A Move to Texas

In the year 1989, at 69 years of age, Baldwin moved from Reading to Austin and into another culture shock. The reason they were in the Boston area for seven years, after Professor Baldwin retired, was that Sean couldn't move away from his mother; even though she suffered from age-related dementia and didn't know where she was. Sean's mother originally lived in New Haven. He had spent one weekend of each month with her until she had a stroke and had to be housed in a nursing home. He was able to get her placed in a Boston suburb and spent a lot of time with her. Sean’s father died before Woody met O’Neill and Sean was an only child and therefore the responsible one. Despite the progressing mental deterioration, she never failed to recognize Sean. His mother's attitude toward Woody was always friendly and cordial. In her day people didn't know as much about homosexuality as they do today. Whether she suspected the men were having a relationship is doubtful. She was a lovely lady and it was never mentioned. When she died Woody and Sean were able to consider moving away from the Boston area.

Woody states that they wanted to leave Boston because of the weather and the high taxes. It had nothing to do with getting away from Simmons or the old haunts. The men were free to live anywhere they wished. They spent numerous nights in the Reading reading room of the library studying the demographics of various cities. The more they read, the better Austin sounded. After the popcorn business closed, Sean worked doing deliveries for florists and he had a full two weeks vacation coming. Of course by now, Woody was fully retired except for his Prime Timers functions. They went to Austin and sampled as much as possible of the "culture" of the city in the two weeks. Both men loved it and that is how they retired there and never regretted the choice. When their good friend Pat Colley of Chiron Rising magazine heard they were going to Austin for two weeks, he wrote four of his subscribers in Austin. All of them called and entertained the fellows one way or another, so they did know a few persons when they finally moved there in 1989 — a precursor of the benefits, support and friendliness provided by Prime Timers chapters in a strange city. Sean was only 60 at the time and Woody 69. Woody still considers it a wonderful city, even though Austin has almost doubled in population since he moved there in l989.

Sean O’Neill, born May 23, 1929, passed away on August 24, 2003, at age 74 of pulmonary fibrosis. He and Woody had lived in Austin for 14 years and had shared their lives together for more than 37 years. Woody had a strong support group to see him through the difficult loss. He also had strong support and friendship from the Prime Timers group he started, with that stated as a main purpose for the group’s origination. Woody says the departure of Sean was the saddest time of his life, “Sean always had a smile for everybody and he is missed by a great many people.”

Having been active in the Unitarian-Universalist church in Reading, the group there wanted to have a memorial service for Sean, so there were two services, one in Texas and one in Massachusetts. Baldwin went back to Reading to attend that service. The members of the church had previously given a beautiful going away party when Woody and Sean moved to Austin, and they outdid that performance at the memorial service. The choir in which Sean had sung did all the music for the service. “It was a lovely one and the church had a nice reception afterwards,” but Woody says, “I was an emotional wreck by the time is was over."

In Woody’s own words:

As many of you know, I recently lost my partner of 37 years. On both the optimism and getting back where you left off, I deserve an "F." I have learned that positive thoughts are much harder to conjure up when death of your loved one is the issue. And such a happening bears no resemblance to spilled milk. I can't imagine how I could have survived without the overwhelming support that I got from Prime Timers everywhere.

I don't have the vocabulary to describe how much this all meant to me. And the local chapter here in Austin has been so supportive in so many ways. Seven members were present when his last breath came and they stayed with me for the rest of the day. Another member spent three nights with me while Sean was in ICU; and one came from Boston to spend a week helping me get things in order.

In Sean's memory, Baldwin gave funds to the church as a memorial to Sean. Baldwin found it strange when Sean learned he was dying: he told Woody to direct that donations be made to the International Campaign for Tibet, instead of flowers being sent as condolences. Woody said he never knew Sean was so deeply into Buddhism until he died, and professed, “Oh, he had mentioned the Dalai Lama a few times. After he left, and I was going through his things, I learned that he had loads of literature on the subject. I don't know why he never discussed it with me, as when I read some of his literature it sounded like something I could relate to.” Even after 37 years there was still new territory to be found within their long standing loving relationship.

Woody tried staying in his home by having roommates but after three disastrous attempts, each one worse than the previous, he sold the house and moved to a retirement home and he is very content there. He considers it a good move. Woody, 89 as of this writing, just finished a term as head of the resident council, a liaison committee between management and the residents; and evidence that he still is very active and involved in the life he is given. Woody still has an innate desire to feel necessary, and his lifestyle at the facility in Austin offers a lot of opportunities for that. He states, “This sounds insane I know, but I really enjoy living here.”

Baldwin has always gotten along with all levels of society and never makes people feel uncomfortable because he has a doctorate and they might be barely high school graduates. He feels the status of a person is within themselves, not in their level of education or their job. Having come from a poor background himself, Woody does not feel superior to anyone in any way and is definitely not intimidating in his social interactions with others. He doesn’t think of himself as famous, nor any better than anyone else. He soon became president of the Association at the retirement home. Who could have guessed?

The old folks homes of today are NOT filled with the newly enlightened younger generation. The generation in the retirement homes (between late seventies and ninety plus) is a generation that was never sympathetic to the gay lifestyle.
 One cannot expect that generation to suddenly change their minds, to uproot deep seated prejudices, simply because they are now in a retirement home. By the time today's younger people are ready for a retirement home, this discriminatory attitude may have largely died out, but that is not the current situation.

Because most people are heterosexual, most old folks' homes are exclusively or predominantly heterosexual; simply by default. To say there is no danger of other residents (or staff) being prejudiced is fantasy. Elderly gay people living in nursing homes or assisted-living centers or receiving home care, increasingly report that they have been disrespected, shunned or mistreated in ways that range from hurtful to deadly. Many have seen their partners and friends insulted, shunned or isolated. One certainly doesn't want to live in a hostile environment. Where many have been able to defy bias and so lead prosperous and rewarding lives, they wonder whether their old age will allow them to continue doing so, and even whether they will be denied adequate care if their orientation is known.

The reality is that the gay community in general is unprepared for aging; financially, emotionally, and culturally. The gay-only retirement as an option (if one would want that) is only in the beginning stages of development. Not all retirees want to isolate themselves in a homosexual-only environment but many see that as the only option until the society’s opinions change. Who will lead the fight, as Baldwin did earlier, for recognition within the smaller community and eventually in wider society?

Consequently Woody, as so many still today, cannot be fully open about his personal life-style, nor does he ever expect to be. He is very happy where he is and would not want to take a chance on being evicted. He is not naive enough to think that none of the people may suspect that he is “different,” but there has never been a hint of it to him and that's the way he wants it to remain. At the retirement home Woody sees no reason why the other “inmates” need to know anything about his sexual orientation. He is a private person who does not feel it necessary to broadcast his intimate life. Baldwin is not ashamed, nor unwilling, to do his part in securing respect for the older gay man and equal rights for all, but he prefers to show discretion as to personal information shared with casual acquaintances. He does not agree with the entirely negative connotation implied by the statement “in the closet” — that keeping one’s privacy implies a lack of courage. (A stance arguable to zealous activists.) Certainly Woody’s achievements belie the myth that one must be “out” to be effective in making change. He hates with a vengeance the term “sexual preference.” He asks, “Who would chose to be gay?” Having to accommodate the prejudices of the society, within which he was born and raised, did not prevent him from making strong positive contributions to individuals and to society as a whole.

Baldwin was introduced to an audience a few years ago and the M.C. said, "I saw on TV the other night where the life expectancy for men is now 75. The way I have it figured is that Woody Baldwin has been dead for 8 years and no one has noticed." Woody says, “Well, I'm still milking my longevity for all I can get out of it.” He tells another story about a recent visit to a comedy club with several of his younger (under seventy) friends. He convinced them to sit in the rear because at least one of the comedians would always pick on him due to his age. Sure enough, one of them picked him out and, after some prods and humorous traps, asked Woody, "Are you straight or gay? I mean, do you prefer a man or a woman?" Woody responded, "At my age it makes no difference. You take anything you can get!"
 And of course the audience loved him for it.

Baldwin complains one of his biggest problems with getting older is his inability to ask for favors. When Sean left, Woody went to a psychologist for quite a while to get help with his bereavement. The psychologist wanted him to call friends and ask for help. As one of the homework assignments between sessions, the doctor had Woody call someone and ask for their assistance. Baldwin says, “It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.” He can't drive at night now unless absolutely necessary and he misses a lot of Prime Timers socials because he won't ask for a ride even from those who live near him. He wrote, “I am sure they would not consider me a nuisance. Oftentimes, they volunteer and I am most grateful.”

“My greatest challenge in life,” Woody asserts, “has been adjusting to the fact that I am not 40 anymore and never will be. At least when Sean was alive, I had a reason for existing. On my down days, I think I have outlived my usefulness to anyone, so why am I still here. I say to God, ‘Why me?’” He asserts he gets upset when people don't call him but adds, “I have to face the fact that I don't call anyone either. So what can I expect?”

Woody has a pragmatic attitude to aging and to his eventual death. He retains his characteristic sense of humor. Perhaps his own words express it best:

I am already preparing for getting old. Old age opens the door to a new world. The boy scout motto "Be Prepared" has always served us well. I'll bore my friends with long discourses on my aches and pains. I'll tell them the same stories over and over and over. I'll be constantly saying things like "I remember when you could buy this for a nickel." They'll love it when I say, "I don't know how I found time to work." I'll have a plastic pill-box labeled S,M,T,W,T,F, and S. I'll buy eight alarm clocks so I can remember to take all my medications when I'm supposed to.

Old age has to be wonderful because you have an excuse for everything. For example, it you forget something, if you embarrass your friends and family, if your clothes don't match, well, you just shrug your shoulders and say, "I'm old," and that's all the excuse you’ll need. I'll get senior discounts. I'll exaggerate. I'll be cantankerous. I'll give up sex and do crossword puzzles instead or maybe even jigsaw puzzles. I'll exercise. I'll go to church and pray for the younger generation that's going to hell in a hand basket (whatever that is).

I'll eat chocolate and not feel guilty. I'll be old and I'll deserve it. I'll complain. I'll say what I really think. I'll wear purple. I'll look in the mirror every day and marvel at how that old man can look so young. I'll be the most contentious bridge player at the senior center. And heaven help you, partner, if you trump my ace! I don't think you can start too soon at planning for old age. So I'm planning!

Woody also prepares for old age by doing meditation regularly, using a tape from a course he took in mind-body meditation and yoga. It has no religious significance and is for relaxation and energy balance. He does Tai Chi, Tuesdays and Thursdays and stretching exercises on Mondays and Wednesdays, including a 30 minute walk every day, and even in bad weather walks the halls for 30 minutes. When he’s feeling particularly energetic he adds some time on the exercise bikes, but lately he has had to cut back a bit because his knees are mush. Woody says, “the older I get, the worse the lack of energy is. I need to make the effort but I don't. I don't like me for it. I just don't make an effort to find the energy.” He does play bridge regularly at the retirement home.

Living in the same retirement home are three fellows who all attended Amarillo High School. Woody says, “It is really quite exciting that Bob Tilmon and I are under the same roof after our 70th High School Graduation.” Although the men didn’t know each other at the time, they are having fun comparing experiences from those days. Woody added, “If we had only known in 1938 that we would someday be living in the same home, we might have built a stronger bond in high school. But how often do we all think, consciously or unconsciously, ‘If I had known then!’” as they say in Texas, where the three old boys are, “you betcha.” He says all the old people at Continental are an inspiration.

Woody still enjoys theater although that has been curtailed by a significant loss of hearing. The deafness, in his terms, “is a burden.” He is completely deaf in the right ear and wears a hearing aid in the left. The aid is very limited and in public places where there is regular background noise, conversation is impossible. He travels as his limitations permit, playing bridge and participating in the Austin Prime Timers activities.” Woody quotes from Plato: "He who is of a calm and happy nature will hardly feel the pressure of aging; but to him who is of an opposite disposition; youth and age are equally a burden." He adds his own wisdom:

Old age is a horrible experience only if you choose it to be. You are in control. If you isolate yourself, cease your activities, pursue no interests, you will surely get old and hate it. What you get out of something is in direct proportion to what you put into it.

“Prime Timers is spoiling me,” said Woody in 2009 in regards to the Austin chapter of the organization. “In deference to my age, they disregarded rules on who gets to sit where (based on a ticket lottery pick) for the weekly dominos games. In my case, because the dining room chairs are more comfortable, they wouldn’t let my random pick remain valid!” Despite his contention that old age sucks, Woody guesses there are some advantages; although he is not comfortable with privileges granted just because he is old.

Woody has instructions with his executor to ask people to donate to their favorite non-discriminating charity. He says, “I know that sounds like hypocrisy, when I am the founder of an organization that discriminates against women, but so be it. I have never aimed for perfection.” In deference to that remark, the author of this sketch would argue that Woody has achieved perfection in living a life which has brought meaningful benefit, happiness and joy to others; in his early school days, later as a “best loved” professor, as a “popcorn advisor” in his retirement, and as the founder of Prime Timers, one of the world’s largest social organizations exclusively geared to the needs of gay and bisexual men.

Woody Baldwin’s efforts to organize Prime Timers effectively changed the established position of society from within. Baldwin was never one to exit the existing social structure and fight the activist fight from outside the establishment. Woody realized the way to change perceptions was not to be confrontational, but rather to plant the seed in people’s minds that perhaps there was another side to the issue; a perceptual lesson taught by his sociology professor in his early years. Professor Emeritus, Woodrow W. Baldwin, in assessing his environment, determined the best course for him to take to be effective in making positive change was to remain a private person in regards to his personal life. Baldwin was a true proponent of the ripple effect, of casting a small effort to have broader effects. He didn’t attempt to change the entire perception of the community at once, but bit by bit he did, and he was eminently successful in his work, academic career, retirement, and social activism.

Baldwin says he decided recently to take an inventory of himself — to call a meeting with himself — to find out how much of his thinking is negative as opposed to positive. Baldwin sat at the desk and took two sheets of paper and spent the next couple of hours writing down thoughts. The one’s that are positive on one sheet, and those that are somehow related to hate on the other. Operating on the theory that you have to know yourself before you can relate to others; Woody says, ”I have embarked on a program to reduce that negative list.” He also says, “Prepare for shock when you see your own lists.” One of his prominent items on the negative list is that he doesn’t like the fact that he is not intellectually curious and limits his interests to those things that directly effect him. Woody is not a negative person but does remind me during the interviews that he has faults too, and wants them noted in the sketch.

The internet is now a vital component of his life. He can’t watch TV due to the deafness, and has particular trouble with female voices due to the pitch. The phone is also difficult. Woody is too proud to carry a cane, as evidenced by a recent trip to Boston, where he threw the cane in the trunk of the car after getting off the plane and said he’d grab it for the return flight. He is still a spry and handsome man, although his knees give him trouble, he has neuropathy in his feet, and a massive amount of pills (13 at last count) to take each day.

Woodrow Wilson Baldwin asks himself the question:

Am I going to heaven or hell? I don't know. I don't go to church. I do sin of the flesh as defined by some denominations. But I live right (at least by my standards -- but even those standards may be disputable by some people). I guess I am still looking for some scientific proof that heaven and hell exist. Am I violating my preaching that we should be tolerant of all our fellowmen when I maneuver to avoid playing bridge with certain players at the senior center?

When I was a kid my new sister-in-law taught me two definitions of love. (Why do I remember these when I can't remember where I had lunch?) Whatever. "Love is an itching of the heart that can't be scratched" and "Love is a feeling that you feel when you feel like you're going to have a feeling that you never felt before." There are so many kinds of love. The love I feel for one person is so different from the love I feel for another, or for Austin, or chocolate, sex, bridge, autumn, life, etc. And the list goes on.

According to the gospel by Woody, and the solution to life’s difficulties and negative seeming events, “Love is the Answer.”

Thus went the first 90 years.