Prime Times: December 1996
Born Again (despite the homophobic connotations associated with the term as it pertains to the Christian right) is the term that keeps coming to mind when I consider what is happening to Prime Timers today. We are not starting a new organization, we're getting our old organization back on track after its derailment of the past year.
The expression "Now this is what Prime Timers is all about" keeps cropping up. We heard it after our South Central gathering in Oklahoma City Labor Day weekend, and we heard it again at the recent planning conference, again in Oklahoma City.
Perhaps we had taken Prime Timers for granted and it took a negative, hate-generating administrator to make us realize how good it is to love, to are and to have fun together. "Now this is what Prime Timers is all about!" Everything we could anticipate that would again restore these values and insure against another "bad apple" syndrome was built into the new bylaws.
Those chapters and independent members who associate with us will realize "what Prime Timers is all about." We hope you are part of the renewed spirit that made Prime Timers such a phenomenal success in its first eight years.
During the past year about 25% of the chapters have been lost (more were anticipated effective January 1 and almost 50% of the independent members are gone.) But, believe me, that tide will turn with the reconstituted Prime Timers. Be a part of this exciting movement!
Prime Times: March 1997
What a great feeling it is to see Prime Timers moving forward again after our 1996 lull. We have almost all the chapters that were part of the Prime Timers International on board now and expect to have the others by the end of April. Independent members (formerly referred to as international members) are being carried by both organizations until your renewal date, at which time we hope you'll come over to us. And several chapters are in the formative stages now. We also hope to revive the chapters that left in 1996 and regain the international members that dropped out. Remember, word of mouth is our best means of advertising, so we urge you to tell your friends about Prime Timers! Or, send me the names and I'll contact them. Let's make sure no one who could benefit from membership in our club is left out!
As you may or may not know, under Original Prime Timers Worldwide, Inc. you are in line to get some terrific service. To assure this happens, we now have two vice presidents, one in charge of chapters and one for independent members -- I am the vice president in charge of the independent members. I can be helped tremendously in making Prime Timers more meaningful to you if you will communicate to me what you'd like Prime Timers to offer you.
One of the things we definitely hope will happen is more regional gatherings, patterned probably after the one the South Central region has held the past three Labor Day weekends in Oklahoma City. The long weekend provides plenty of opportunity for you to get to know all the others and to have one hell of a good time. After all, isn't fun what Prime Timers is about!
So please feel free to call me or write to me with your suggestions and let's get acquainted. I am very retired so can be reached at home at most hours (unless I'm playing bridge on engaged in other wild adventures!)
Let's get all our pleasures in sync, it's true that if you don't use it, you lose it. Don't let that happen to even one gay or bisexual older male. Have you hugged a Prime Timer today?
Prime Times: August 1997
What are Prime Timers? Prime Timers is a dining out club, a theater-going club, a bowling club, a travel club, a literary club, and the list goes on . . .
But therein lies the strength of our organization. Are all the chapters the same? No more so than all the members are the same! Our strength lies in our diversity. I discovered early on in my experience with Prime Timers that the success of a chapter is measured by the extent to which it meets the needs and want of the older gay community where it is located.
Is the chapter with 1,000 members more successful than the one with twenty-five? Not necessarily. Is the event that gets fifty participants more successful than the one that gets six? Not necessarily. Is the chapter that attracts the "A" crowd more successful than the one that has a preponderance of blue-collar members? Not necessarily. Is the club that has twenty activities a month more successful than the one that has four? Not necessarily. Again, the success of the individual chapter should be measured only by whether it is meeting the needs and wants of its older gay constituency.
Should a chapter be scorned because it has too many couples? . . . too many singles? . . . too many young members? . . . too many activities? . . . too few? As an organization, our strength lies in our diversity. One of the biggest mistakes the governing board of PTW could make would be to impose a long litany of do's and don'ts in an effort to make our chapters clones of each other. I never cease to be amazed as I travel and visit the various chapters as to how different they all are; and of that fact, I am proud. Should the chapters in New York City and Jackson be identical? God forbid. No more so than New York City and Jackson should be the same. Is it bad that the chapter in Palm Springs is totally different from the one in Charlotte? Of course not.
Instead of complaining that my chapter doesn't have enough cultural events, I should (with the consent of the board) set up a night at the ballet and then see how many others want to go. The interests of individuals as shown on the roster gives us a head start in judging how many may be interested. If twelve members said they are interested in ballet, get on the phone and tell them of the event you're sponsoring. If you get no response, then complain. Or, maybe if that's your consuming interest, perhaps you're in the wrong club, or the wrong chapter.
At our stages of maturity, we should know that being judgmental is wrong. Remember the old cliche "Don't knock it until you've tried it." Cliche perhaps, but wrong? I think not.
The fact is that Prime Timers attracts the rich, the poor, the sexually passive, the butch, the effete, the activist, the closeted, the old, and the young. Where else can you be exposed to such an interesting and challenging cross-section of society. Let's celebrate our diversity by telling all our acquaintances about this wonderful opportunity that has enriched our later years. Such a club was impossible in the forties; rejoice that we live in a generation when we can be ourselves and share it with others. Such good fortune deserves to be shared, so let's make our challenge to see that every older man with homosexual interests has the Prime Timers opportunity!
Prime Times: December 1997
Psychologists tell us there is a basic need to be needed. Well, your time has come: you are needed!
So much good came out of the Convention and Board Meetings in Palm Springs, that my head is spinning! At the same time, I am overwhelmed with glee at the pace at which Prime Timers is moving forward. We have elected a new board which is dedicated to seeing that our momentum is not only retained, but if possible, increased.
The Board decided, among other things, to have a domestic tour on the year we have a Convention (odd numbered years) and a foreign trip on the years we don't (even numbered years). Cal Hackler, our energetic and capable President, has designated me to be in charge of planning those trips. I want suggestions from you! Please!!!
As you know, we are going to London and Amsterdam in September of 1998 and I am exploring the possibility of a summer bus tour of beautiful New England in 1999. I have a travel agent in the Boston area working on the best format. Possibilities are a week in Vermont and a week on the Maine coast with a "party weekend" in Boston in between; or two weeks spending time in possibly Burlington, Vermont; Montreal; Ogunquit, Maine; and Boston. Two separate tours could be scheduled -- a week in the Vermont/New Hampshire area and a week on the Maine coast with the Boston party in between. There would be an option to go for either one of the weeks or for both. The agent is also working on prices, optional tours, and all those things that make a vacation delightful!
I want your suggestions of ways to make this trip as exciting as possible, so please communicate with me. I would hope we might have at least two busloads of guys, and if so we should be able to book some motels exclusively for us. I would like to get a gauge of the potential interest in this tour so we can know how many rooms, buses, etc. to book. So drop me a line or call me if you think you would be interested (I would like to talk to you anyhow).
One of the essentials of such a trip would be a "gathering" room or lounge at each stop so we would have an indoor area to socialize, perhaps show videos, play games, etc. Feed me ideas. Your participation can be a big factor in making these trips a success! I see great potential for fun. The more ideas we get, the better it can be. This is an area where you are definitely needed.
Cal has also given me the task of looking into the possibility of more weekend gatherings patterned after our very successful South Central Regional Conference in Oklahoma City each September. Even though it is billed as regional, great guys come from as far away as Canada, Oregon, NYC, etc. We need suggestions on gay-friendly locations to have such gatherings in your area, and avenues for advertising such an event. Please share with me any ideas or information you have from your area (or others) that could be helpful. We have six regions in Canada and the U.S., and all of them should be able to support such a party. Please call or write me with suggestions of places, entertainment, time, activities, people to work with, publicity, etc.
The Oklahoma City gathering has proven that we can have fun, meet lots of desirable guys, relax, make friends, sight-see and not spend a lot of money. These gatherings are a wonderful way for those people to have fun who may not have the resources (time, money, health) to take long trips.
I am pleading with Chapter and Independent members to become involved. You will be surprised at how rewarding such involvement can be! Just writing or calling me will be a great help. Is that so much to ask?!?!
Prime Times: March 1998
We joined Prime Timers to have fun, right? Because that is what Prime Timers is all about. And the plans are now complete for our first fun foreign trip to two of the gayest cities in the world, London and Amsterdam. The tour is designed to give you plenty of whatever you want — sight-seeing in these grand old cities, sampling the gay life, etc. It is all there with five days in each city.
To make it absolutely complete for us, we have our own gay guide (a European) who will be with us the entire time to answer our questions, help us make arrangements for our favorite pursuits, etc. Our agency contact is also gay and will provide us with gay maps of both cities. As you will see from the enclosed flyer, we are provided with sight-seeing tours, welcome and farewell dinners and much more. I will be contacting our independent members in London and whatever organizations I can find in the two cities. If you know of some, please share that information with me. We shall leave no base untouched in putting together the best vacation package possible.
The travel agent who is handling the tour worked in Amsterdam for few years so knows not only the cultural side of the city, but the gay aspects as well. He has had a lot of experience with London also.
Several years ago twenty-nine Prime Timers went to London for a week. The trip was sponsored by the Boston chapter and we had one helluva good time. That is where I got the inspiration to put together this tour for Prime Timers and their friend. We do want to make it clear that this trip is not just for Prime Timers members, but for anyone who meets the membership standards for Prime Timers Worldwide. So talk it up among your friends. You are welcome to print as may copies of the flyer as you wish in order to help us publicize the event.
I have asked, and hopefully it will come to pass, that hotels supply a room that we can have access to for twenty-four hours a day so we can get together to socialize, play cards, meet for tours, dinner companions, etc.
If you have ever been to Europe, I am sure you will recognize this tour as the ideal way to travel. We don't need to tell you how much pleasure is to be had in travelling abroad, especially with friends. If you've always been interested in going to London and/or Amsterdam, but have not had someone to travel with and were uneasy about going alone, this is definitely the way to go!
Prime Times: July 1998
Want to feel lucky? Then stop and think about how many guys like us have never heard of Prime Timers. There are so many reasons to be proud to be a Prime Timer. For starters, we were the first organization of older gays to spread beyond the local scene. True, many communities have had a luncheon group of cronies who got together regularly, or groups who bowled together, and there may even be local clubs which were less specialized and more diverse in their activities. But so far as I have been able to determine, Prime Timers was the first social organization to go national and eventually worldwide.
We were even so bold as to welcome all older gay and bisexual men who withed to join. That often elicits the question: "But don't you get some undesirables when you have such an open door policy?" The answer is "yes" but they usually discover early on that they don't fit and weed themselves out. There have been a few occasions when chapters had to refund the membership fee of individuals an ask them to resign. But those few instances are far overshadowed by the rich opportunity of meeting all types of gay men from all professions, educational backgrounds and social classes.
Stranger in a new city? Prime Timers has been a great boon for gay person moving into a new community. Membership and participation provides an opportunity to meet a lot of desirable guys quickly. And how about those unfortunate ones among us who have lost a lover of many years and need to get back into a gay social environment but don't cotton to gay bars unless it is one of those all-too-few bars that cater to older gay men.
We have brought many gay couples from the couch to meeting rooms, restaurants, homes, etc., with the result that they now experience a complete turnaround in their social life and a vastly improved relationship with one another. It is awesome!
Young men who prefer the company of older men have found not only companions but also solace in the realization they are not the only ones who like older men. I've seen these young men become great friends!
Many relationships have grown out of the Prime Timers experience. In our local chapter, a single man once complained we had too many couples. I was happy to inform him that 9 of those couples were 1u singles when they joined.
Even though our main thrust is social, men have added to their store of knowledge about financial matters, cultural opportunities, legal, and health issues. This has happened through our general meetings, rap sessions, attendance at lectures, theaters, etc.
And the list goes on. If you interviewed 20 Prime Timers to learn what the club has been to them, you might get 20 different answers. Let it be shouted from the rooftops: Prime Timers is alive, well and providing the social experiences that gay and bisexual men deserve. Yes, we're the lucky ones, but we must never let up in our quest of spreading the word to those less fortunate who have not heard about Prime Timers.
Prime Times: November 1998
As I pointed out in my last Filosofy, those of us in Prime Timers might be designated as "the chosen few", lucky because we heard or read somewhere about the organization and were resourceful enough to learn how to become a member. For each of us who is active in our organization, there are probably 5,000 who could be taking advantage of what the club offers, but are not simply because they have not heard,
At the time I wrote the column, I did not recognize I was hitting on such a responsive chord, but several chapters reprinted the column in their chapters' newsletters. I was flattered, of course, but more importantly, I became aware that others were concerned that the word must get out. The column even elicited testimonials from chapter presidents and newsletter editors about how Prime Timers had changed their lives for the better.
If you asked 20 Prime Timers why they joined and what the result has been, you might get 20 different answers. And perhaps that is good because it demonstrates that we are not offering just one service, but perhaps many. We have been criticized at times for focusing so narrowly on only the social side of being older and gay.
My thought in the beginning (and it still is) that if we do a good job of just improving the social lives of older gays, we will have done a service for our community. Only 11 years ago, older gays were the pits of gay male society. Thanks to Prime Timers, and the magazines catering to our group, our status has improved considerably!
Those of us who have been involved with Prime Timers through the years have observed that, even though we focus almost entirely on the social side of being old and gay, there has been a ripple effect and our members, through becoming happier at being gay, are getting involved in social services, politics and all the other areas of concern to the gay community.
But are we, as members, doing our part to keep alive this opportunity that we know as "Prime Timers?" Sure, our board and chapters make mistakes. Despite what the religious right might want you to believe, we are humans and this puts us in a class where mistakes can be expected. Someone said recently that it seems those who complain the most are the ones who are least willing to do things for the organization.
It takes so little to be a good member and to know you are doing your part in keeping the tradition alive: (1) don't bad-mouth the club unless you are doing what you can to help. (2) involve yourself by serving on a committee or recruiting new members. You may be surprised at how little time it takes to serve on a committee. I recently retired as program chairman for our chapter. We met for about two hours once every three months, and we did a good job. Is that expenditure of time too much to ask? I don't think so.
The old adage "What you get out of something is in direct proportion to what you put into it" is never more true than in Prime Timers. We have a great legacy to leave for future generations; rejoice and be an active part of it.
Prime Times: February 1999
Want to feel good about yourself? Want to leave this life (many, many years from now, we hope) knowing you contributed something which made the world a better place than it was when you entered it? Want to live a healthier and happier life? Trust me — it's easy! I'm no miracle worker or faith healer, but I know a way to achieve all of the above and have fun doing it.
My profession of teaching was rewarding to me because I felt that perhaps I made live a little easier, more pleasant and more productive for some people; but the satisfaction I felt was not as great as the rewards I have received in working with Prime Timers.
While meeting all the above objectives, Prime Timers has given me so much more. The happening that would make me happiest now would be to make it possible for you and others to experience the same satisfactions I am enjoying.
Whether you are a chapter member or an independent member, you can enrich many lives by devoting some time to promoting the objectives of Prime Timers. Remember, our organization's primary goal is to see that older gays and bisexuals have as much fun as they had when they were younger. We are unique, but our constant growth indicates we've met a real need in the gay community.
If you belong to a chapter, just volunteer to serve on a committee or governing board; offer your home for parties or special interest events; make suggestions for activities that would appeal to you and possible other members of your chapter.
If you are an independent member, either start a chapter where you are or write Bob Brummer and offer your talents to help build up Prime Timers. In case of chapter members, we can find out oftentimes what your talents are; but if you're an independent, we have no way of knowing unless you tell us. Please do! You can contribute a lot just by spreading the word of Prime Timers to your friends and acquaintances who may not have heard of our organization.
It's a new year, and we have a year to go before the new millennium. 1999 is a great time for you to warm up so you can really make a worthwhile contribution to your brothers in the new era.
Prime Timers Worldwide has a strong board that is there to help the chapters and the members in any way they can to do a better job of whatever they choose to do. Make them work for you.
Remember, it's our world too!
Prime Times: March 2000
"When I go, I'm going like Gladys". My heroine played piano in a hotel lounge in Boston during her seventies and until two weeks before she died at 81 years of age. But Gladys never got old. She survived two heart attacks and two cancer operations. With each one, we thought Gladys would never return to her job. But she did!
It was her third bout with cancer that finally stopped her. After each hospital stay, she would return looking more frail and feeble than before. When she entered the lounge, you wondered it she would make it to the piano. But as the evening progressed and she played and the customers sang, she gained momentum and at closing time she was vibrant, healthy, happy, and was inviting people to her apartment for tea and cookies.
What was the secret of her longevity? She had a compelling interest. Gladys loved music -- all kinds. She was a graduate of the New England Conservatory of Music, taught piano, accompanied college dance classes, entertained at hospitals and nursing homes, and the list goes on. But she really found her niche when she played in the lounge, encouraging amateur singers to entertain. She loved her singers and was happy in her role as "supportive musician". She considered her singers as her stars. This sincere humility was largely responsible for her success.
A week before she died, I attended a ceremony where she was honored as one of Boston's ten outstanding citizens. She knew she was dying but insisted on attending. She sat slumped in a wheel chair dressed in her favorite pink evening dress and matching hat. Hats were her trademark. She could not go onto the stage but the Mayor came to the floor of the auditorium to present Gladys' trophy. As they wheeled her away, we knew we would never see her alive again: but she was a trooper to her last breath.
Old age is a horrible experience only if you choose it to be. You are in control. If you isolate yourself, cease your activities, pursue no interests, you will surely get old and hate it. Gladys had her music; I have my Prime Timers. By the time you read this, I will have celebrated my 80th birthday, but I still plan to die young. So can you! Find something you enjoy and do it! Prime Timers offers many such opportunities to not only enjoy yourself, but contribute to the pleasure of other men of our type. But, if not Prime Timers, something. Have an interest, stay busy and think and act positively. Believe me, it works.
Prime Times: June 2000
What is Prime Timers? I mean, like, what is it really? We've all read the standard description given in all our publicity; but, as Peggy Lee said in song, "Is that all there is?"
When I hear that a chapter has folded (which fortunately doesn't happen often), my consuming thought is that the group never realized what Prime Timers actually is.
Prime Timers, is among other things, an opportunity. Many, many members have told me that Prime Timers changed their lives. If it can do that, it must be more than just a club. Our branch of society -- yes, even our branch of the gay society, can be excruciatingly lonely. The thought still prevails among, I would say, a majority of older gays that there is no place for them in society. We're uncomfortable in the hetero world through fear that people may think less of us if they "find out". Also, we have been led to believe there is no gay sex to be had after midlife, and especially none for the elderly.
When these men discover Prime Timers, they find a society where they are welcome to be what nature has decreed them to be. They learn they are still desirable as friends and, yes, even as sexual partners. They learn there is a place to meet guys of our ilk besides in bars and baths. Hundreds have found Mr. Right when the expectation of that happening had long ceased.
Prime Timers is an opportunity to widen our own horizons by getting to know people of various backgrounds in a way never available before. One of the great assets of Prime Timers is that we attract people from all walks of life (rich, poor, educated, uneducated, white collar, blue collar, etc.). And if we look upon it as an opportunity, we may realize that our own life is richer than it was when all our friends came from the same economic, educational, ethnic, etc., background. I get distressed when I learn that individuals with a chapter are feuding and causing a chapter to weaken because of it. I feel they've missed what Prime Timers really is -- loving.
Yes, Prime Timers is an opportunity (among other things). Become active in your organization and make it work for you. You'll be amazed at how much happier, younger, and more energetic you feel. Try it!
Prime Times: October 2000
"I want you to know, Woody, that you saved my life." I was startled when someone said this to me after I addressed one of our chapters recently. I replied, "I did what?" He continued with a message similar to this:
"I was on the verge of suicide I was so depressed. I was 66 years old, alone, unattractive I thought, no close friends (only distant relatives who were too busy with their own families to care about a bachelor uncle), gay, no lover, not even someone I could call to have a drink with. My counselor said, "There is a social organization for older gay men called 'Prime Timers'. If I find out where they meet, will you go?" What had I to lose at this point. I went and four year later I'm the happiest I have ever been. Woody, you saved my life!"
The tears flowed -- first his, then mine, then the three other guys who had overheard the conversation. We had a huddle hug.
I have had few occasions in my life that have touched me more. Could it be true that by starting Prime Timers I had actually saved this beautiful person's life! As I have visited chapters, this story has been told to me several times -- only the details have differed.
If I am to believe the many testimonials I have had that say in effect, "Prime Timers turned my life around", then I am blessed with the feeling that I did something worthwhile during my short tenure in this world. It's a glorious feeling. I, however, have no magical powers. I am just a plain, run-of-the-mill, average, ordinary, generic old man who (thank God) is gay. All I did was to set up a meeting place in Boston on August 15, 1987, and advertised in every gay media I could find. Forty-two men showed up and today Prime Timers has grown from that humble beginning to 55 chapters throughout the world and several hundred independent members.
You, too, can enjoy that ever-so-satisfying sense of accomplishment. I wish there were a way I could convey to you the personal rewards you will experience when you know you've made life happier for some great guys. But it won't happen if you say, "I don't have the time" (a professor of mine once said 'We have time for the things we want to do), or "I don't have the necessary skills" (some of the best chapter presidents I have observed are guys who thought they could only be followers), or "I will be glad to help someone else, but I can't do it."
Whether it means starting a chapter in your community, taking a leadership role in your existing chapter, or recruiting members for Prime Timers, you may be saving a life. Think about it. You will be forever grateful you did it. These claims come with a money-back guarantee.
Prime Times: March 2001
Gun control? Yes. Gun control? No. Gun control? Schmoe. In Prime Timers we have an arsenal of weapons that makes us so powerful that no controls are needed.
Probably our most valuable weapon is love. When I was a kid my new sister-in-law taught me two definitions of love. (Why do I remember these when I can't remember where I had lunch?) Whatever. "Love is an itching of the heart that can't be scratched" and "Love is a feeling that you feel when you feel like you're going to have a feeling that you never felt before." Whatever.
There are so many kinds of love. The love I feel for Sean is so different from the love I feel for Prime Timers, Austin, chocolate, sex bridge, autumn, life, etc. And the list goes on. Yes, I guess we've even compartmentalized love.
In Prime Timers there is so much to love that we even compartmentalize that: love of our fellow members, socialization, commonality, diversity, sex, etc. I even love the feeling of being a part of a worldwide movement, which suggests that the same things we love are those things that are loved all over the world.
I know this is going to sound corny, but I'll tell the story anyhow. My professional life (after college and the Army) was spent primarily in teaching. I never had a 9 to 5 job. One summer I took a consulting job in New York City where I had to be in the office Monday through Friday from 9 to 5. That experience brought to me, for the first time, a realization that I belonged to a huge thing called society. The surge of activity caused by the crowded sidewalks and the subway was positive to me instead of negative. I felt for the first time that I was filling my niche in the brotherhood of man. I warned you it would sound corny, especially to you guys who always had a 9 to 5 job. I can't explain it, it just happened!
And here's where love came into that picture. I loved the feeling that all these people (as I) were cogs in the machinery that made the world function. It takes all of us in our separate ways to make life work.
As you know, I love Prime Timers and for so many reasons. I think perhaps most of all, it's because of the opportunity it gives me to feel I'm making a positive contribution to life in general. In the overall picture, I suppose that helping older gay men to enjoy life is perhaps a miniscule part of the happening we call global life. So be it! I love the feeling that in my small way I'm helping other people to love life a bit more. Every one of us in Prime Timers has that same opportunity. Our collective goals should be to let every older gay male whose life needs enriching know that Prime Timers is there to meet that need. There are so many ways that each of us can do it. Think about it and let's put our arsenal of weapon to work to better humanity. It's a function of love.
I "love" you. (I really do.)
Prime Times: June 2001
Father, you may wonder why I am so late in making these confessions. Well, numero uno, I am not Catholic and secondly, I really don't consider these thing to be sins. You will understand why, but am I wrong? Are you still listening, Father? Telling you all this does lead to conclusions of sorts. So, sit down and please hang on.
My long life has been full of milestones, but then so has everyone else's. Mine are important to me because I'm me and other folks' milestones are important to them because they are who they are.
I was in the third grade when my wise 9-year-old buddy (Gordon) taught me that I was quitting too soon in my masturbation process. I learned from him that if I added a couple of minutes or so to the process, the reward in physical and emotional feelings were much greater. I discovered that explosion in my lower gut was like "Wow!" My life was enriched by the lesson I learned: don't stop in the middle of a worthwhile project; see it through to the finish.
Then at age 12 or 13, this same masturbation act resulted in the explosion of a white, gooey liquid. I thought for sure I had broken my favorite toy. Some of my more resourceful friends (younger than I) were present when the crisis occurred. After my harrowing night, they reported back the next day (after doing extensive research) that this was what made babies and was nothing to worry about. Soon they sprang the same leak. I learned from this experience that many of life's frightening crises can be really positive steps in personal development. This taught me not to cry gloom and doom until I have determined the significance of matters — an important lesson for life.
But this experience of ejaculation produced a new set of worries. Somehow in my highly developed talent for imagining the worst, I began to worry that each time I ejaculated that a part of my first child would be missing. While this was a major concern, it did not stop my pleasurable pursuit. I guess I thought that miraculously I would know when the first child was completely destroyed. Then I could stop the activity and child #2 would be normally complete. At a time perhaps later than other folks would, I realized this was not true, but by that time I had given up the idea of having children anyhow. How I reached that conclusion may have to wait for another confession, Father. But this led to another important life-enriching guideline: don't draw conclusions until you know all the facts.
But then at age 16 or 17, I learned (oh, hell, I may as well confess it all) to enjoy sex with men more than with women. Are you still there, Father? The significance of this was not apparent at the time as I was getting full enjoyment out of capitalizing on this discovery -- and did I capitalize! At the same time I realized this infatuation with men could ruin other aspects of my life. It was too late for anything but the "why me?" syndrome. What lesson did I learn from this? Everything has its positive and negative components. We need the capacity to accentuate the positive and minimize (control) the negative.
[Filosophy is continued on page 2 which is missing]
Prime Times: September 2001
We all know that Prime Timers is about having fun, making friends and doing things. But I have observed that a lot of the success of chapters depends on caring. No, I am not softening. I have always contended that there is enough need for a good social life on the part of older gays that if we do a good job of meeting that need, we are successful.
This does not rule out our members doing volunteer work for other organizations, doing Meals on Wheels for the elderly, marching in Gay Pride parades to gain support for gay concerns, and participating in other worthwhile activities.
But within our organization, there are things we can do to further the objectives of making life more pleasant for aging gays. Our socials are great; but within the chapters and the independent agenda, are we taking time to show our brothers that we care? From reading the newsletters (and I do from cover to cover -- the ones I receive, that is), and from visiting some chapters and also talking with independent members, I know there is a lot of love out there.
If one of your chapter members is sick, do you take the five minutes needed to send a card? Do you take the time and effort to make a pot of soup to save the ailing one or his working partner from having to cook a meal or two? Do you call and offer to go to the grocery store or run other errands for the ailing brother? Such a gesture will probably endear you to that individual forever, and it takes so little.
Do you offer to arrive early or stay late to help the host get ready or clean up when he is hosting a social? When you know your president is swamped with duties, do you ever call and offer to help? When a Prime Timer tells you he is having a medical procedure, do you follow up with a phone call to see if he is OK and to let him know someone cares?
Every new member has a right to expect that during the following week, he will receive a call from someone (the president or a member of the hospitality committee) welcoming him to the club and making sure he realizes he is invited to the next Prime Timers function. This gesture takes 5 to 10 minutes and may well be the difference between a member who never comes back and one who becomes a happy, valuable contributor to the club.
We hope, of course, that independent members use their roster to make friends with Prime Timers in other parts of the country and world. It is amazing what good friendships can be developed between guys who are 2,000 miles apart or chapters apart. Try it. When you travel, do you contact members or chapters living in the places you visit?
These may all seem like petty things, but they make the difference between your organization being just a club or a family. Look around -- is your chapter merely a gathering place for older gays; is it a club; is it a fraternity; is it a family? For your chapter to progress, you need a show of truly caring about your brothers. It's easy to do and means so much!
Prime Times: December 2001
Remember the straight paper called SCREW which was published in New York in the 70s? It had a scale for measuring porn movies, etc., called a peter meter. If the critic's peter was really stimulated, the peter meter would register a 4; if the reaction was limp, the show would get a one. In between was rated 3 or 2. Wouldn't it be nice if we had a similar meter to judge the effectiveness of our chapters in meeting the goals of Prime Timers?
Is your chapter growing, your members enthusiastic, your events well attended? Is there an aura of confidence, optimism, enthusiasm, love, cooperation? Is the word getting out to those persons in the community who should be members that you are there for them? Are members eager to serve the chapter? If so, you get four peters.
Is your chapter growing slowly, attendance at events stable, members satisfied? Is there a feeling of friendliness, tolerance, stability? Are some members willing to take positions of responsibility, to host events, to get at least minimally involved in the functioning of the club? If so, you get three peters.
Is your chapter just holding together, keeping a fairly steady membership, having one or two events a month with mostly the same few guys attending, having trouble getting members to assume responsibility, etc.? Is there a general feeling of disinterest, apathy, indifference, contentment with the status quo? Do only a few guys do all the work of keeping the chapter together? If so, you probably rate only two peters.
Is your club losing membership? Are functions held erratically? Are they poorly attended? Is there a paucity of involvement? Is the mood negative, pessimistic, faultfinding, critical? Is the chapter being run by one person, possibly because no one else is willing to give time? Is the club getting no publicity, no community recognition, no forward movement? If so, perhaps you're just a one peter chapter.
There is so much potential for Prime Timers to bring happiness to older gays! The time is now for the chapter president and his board to take a long hard look to see how many peters they rate and how they can increase the number. Remember, attitude starts at the top. If the leadership is upbeat, the members will tend to be the same.
On the flip side, if the leadership is negative, so will the entire chapter be. If there are many older guys who should be getting the benefits of the Prime Timers camaraderie but don't know Prime Timers exists, the chapter is falling short of reaching its potential. Turn on the peter meter and turn that peter into peters —- it can be done! It only takes motivation, determination, leadership and optimism.
Let Prime Timers Worldwide know when they can help; that's what they're there for. And let's all make it our objective to get as many peters as possible!
Prime Times: March 2002
We've come a long way, Baby. Unless you're at least 50 (and that's assuming you knew you were gay by age 15), you can't remember the "bad old days". Before Stonewall, just being gay was one of the worst of crimes. And it took several years after Stonewall for any semblance of gay freedom to reach beyond the big cities.
To be arrested and severely punished, you did not have to be caught in a sexual act; you had merely to be at a gathering of gays to be prosecuted. In Los Angeles in the early 50s my college roommate, Joe, was attending a very proper cocktail party (no sex was taking place) when the police entered through a second floor window, and arrested every man there. The next day on the front page of the Los Angeles Times was a list of all those guys along with their home addresses and their places of employment. Joe was a dedicated teacher in the Los Angeles school system, but that was forever his last day of teaching. Not only was his job jeopardized, his entire career was down the drain. His family now knew he was gay. Joe committed suicide.
This scenario with slight modifications took place all over the United States. If these attitudes prevailed today, we would not dare to join Prime Timers; we could not afford to have our names on a gay roster or mailing list. Our Prime Timers meetings, no matter how sedate, could be raided and all present would be jailed with far-reaching consequences. Advertising a meeting of gay people, for whatever reasons, would be unthinkable. Those of us over 50 can truly appreciate the freedoms we enjoy today as gay men. We must never take for granted our open way of life.
Are you taking full advantage of these freedoms? Prime Timers offers many opportunities to enjoy being gay. The next time you're tempted to become annoyed by some inconsequential action of someone in the club, focus on how far we have come, and count your blessings. The act will seem trivial. If you're in a chapter, support it and Prime Timers Worldwide. If you are an independent member, use your roster to make acquaintances and make every effort to attend some of our worldwide and regional gatherings.
We waited too long getting these freedoms; let's make the most of them. Whatever your age, there is fun to be had without the stresses of pre-Stonewall. Yes, we've come a long way, Baby, even though it sometimes appears we still have a long way to go. So enjoy yourself and enjoy being gay.
Prime Times: June 2002
Who better than we to know what prejudice is all about? From one side, we're hit with scorn from the heterosexual world; on the other, we get the prejudice of young gays against older gays.
Perhaps because I was lucky enough to be working with college students during the social revolution of the 60s , I have great respect for the rebellious students of that era. They were criss-crossing the country to fight discrimination against blacks, burning bras to get equal rights for women, pressuring corporations to become less profit motivated and more socially conscious, etc.
Unfortunately, it was not until those campaigns had achieved considerable success that the fight for gay rights got underway; but get underway, we did. I am proud that Prime Timers has been one of the larger influences in elevating the status of older gays. We still have a long way to go, but we are slowly getting there. And Prime Timers is growing and becoming a greater influence year by year.
Is Woody Baldwin, the perennial sophomore, getting old and soft? If so, so be it! I want to share with you one of my favorite stories about prejudice.
His name was Bill. He had wild hair, wore a T-shirt with holes in it, jeans and no shoes. This had been Bill's dress for his entire four years of college. He was brilliant — kind of different, but very, very bright. He became a Christian while attending college.
Across the street from the campus was a conservative church with well-dressed members. One Sunday Bill decided to go there to worship. He walked in with no shoes, jeans, his T-shirt and wild hair. Bill walked down the aisle to find a seat, but the church was completely packed. Bill got closer to the pulpit when he realized he could not find an unoccupied seat. So he sat down on the floor right in front of the pulpit. (Although perfectly acceptable behavior at a college fellowship, no one had ever sat on the floor in this church!)
Then from the back of the church a deacon slowly made his way toward Bill. This deacon was in his eighties, had silver-gray hair, wore a three-piece suit and a pocket watch. He was a godly man, very elegant, dignified, courtly. He walked with a cane, and as he started toward the student, everyone was thinking "You can't blame him for what he is going to do. How can you expect a man of his age and background to understand some college kid sitting on the floor."
As the deacon made his way to the front of the church, the only sound was the clicking of the man's cane. All eyes were focused on him. Then the members saw the elderly deacon drop his cane on the floor, sit down next to Bill, and worship with Bill so he would not be alone.
Everyone choked up with emotion. Then the minister said, "The sermon I'm about to preach, you will never remember; but the sermon you have just seen, you will never forget."
Prime Times: September 2002
Now that I am over 80, I figure I have earned the right to be cantankerous, forgetful, stupid, helpless, etc. I've also earned the right to be preachy, nostalgic, proud, sentimental, etc.
And, believe me, I am exercising those rights to the maximum. It took a lot of stuff I didn't know I had to get this old; so if there is anything to be squeezed out of the experience, I think it is incumbent upon me to cash in my rights.
I'll probably be cantankerous tomorrow; but tonight bear with me as I am in one of my sentimental modes. Perhaps it is because I went to a funeral today. I can't understand why, of course, but death seems to have more meaning now than it did when I was 20. Someday you can explain that to me. I was inspired by this poem that was printed on the program.
MY HOPE
When I have come to the end of the road,
I should like to look back and see
That I have done my very best
With the trust that's placed in me.
I should like the consolation
When I travel the very last mile,
To know I've meant something to someone
And caused those in sorrow to smile.
I know that I shall be happy
If, in the heart of just one,
I can leave one lingering memory
Of something good that I've done.
One of the reasons I am so in love with Prime Timers is that it has given me the opportunity to think, as founder of it, that maybe there is "something good that I have done". As I sometimes express it, I merely turned on the ignition; it is the rest of you who have kept the motor running." And, believe me, for those of you who have worked with Prime Timers, that's doing good.
As I visit chapter, I am besieged with testimonials about the wonderful ways in which our organization has enriched lives. "I have always had a consuming fear of growing old — I don't have that any more"; "Prime Timers saved me from committing suicide — my psychiatrist recommended the club to me"; "Before Prime Timers I didn't have a social calendar — I didn't need it because I had no social life"; "My partner and I were just couch potatoes — now we are truly enjoying life"; etc., etc., etc.
But the rewards I cherish are not mine alone. You can get the same feeling by the simple act of recommending Prime Timers membership to someone you know who is lonely and depressed; or, through some contribution of time or effort, help your chapter to reach its full potential. Prime Timers is a vehicle through which you can easily bring happiness to deserving men and get that cherished feeling of having done something really good.
Prime Times: December 2002
Worry? Me worry? I am such a congenital worrier that I worry that I am overlooking something when I can't find anything to worry about. Has it gotten worse with "maturity"? Probably. Do I worry about that? I don't think so. Should I? Probably.
Am I going to heaven or hell? I don't know. I don't go to church. I do sin of the flesh as defined by some denominations. But I live right (at least by my standards — but even those standards may be disputable by some people). I guess I am still looking for some scientific proof that heaven and hell exist. Do I worry about which one I'm going to? No. Should I? I don't know.
Am I violating my preachings that we should be tolerant of all our fellowmen when I maneuver to avoid playing bridge with certain players at the senior center?
I'm 82 years old; do I worry that the end may come too soon? Of course, and don't you believe any old persons who say they don't. Instead, I should live each day to the fullest because who knows what tomorrow will bring! Do I worry that I worry too much about the end? Yeah, I reckon. Should I. No.
Do I worry too much about those persons who still don't know about Prime Timers, and those members who are not getting the full benefit from the organization because they don't participate? You bet I do -- a lot. Should I? Probably not as much as I do, but I am the one who hears the stories about how Prime Timers has changed their lives forever.
Do I worry that you readers may not be interested in my worries? Yep. Are you thinking, "Woody has finally gone off the deep end; this is the most rambling piece of trash I have ever read!" Do I worry about that? Well, sort of. Should I? Probably. But what the hell; it's bed time and tomorrow is a new day and I can develop a whole new set of worries. Believe me, I will. Do I worry about that? You guess.
Afterthought: I worry that you won't read this; or should I worry that you will?
Prime Times: March 2003
When I sit down to "filosofize", I have to assess my mood of the moment. Today I seem to be in a sorta sentimental mode — not the mushy, gushy sentimentality, just a sorta "count your blessings" type. And have I got blessings! Sometimes I think I've cornered the market. I promise you my sentimentality will not be a permanent affliction. I have giddy pills I take when I find myself going overboard (joke).
Today I'm thinking about our organization, Prime Timers. We modestly call ourselves a social organization because that is all we were purported to be. This objective may sound frivolous, but a social life is the basis on which so many of life's needs are based.
It may seem inconsequential to those of us who have been fortunate enough to maintain a good social life in our advanced years to have a club dedicated to such a narrow purpose. But to a gay man who (through no fault of his own) has slipped through the cracks of gay society, finding a social life is very consequential.
I've encountered members who want to expand our mission to include political, health, charitable fund raising, etc. on our agenda. Such ambitions are honorable; but if you look around you, you will see that we have affected significantly these areas of concern to older gay men. It was accomplished without straining our resources; this strain could happen if we try to be too many things to too may people. In a previous column, I told of many testimonials I have had from members about how Prime Timers has profoundly affected their enjoyment of being an older gay.
Neither can we be complacent about our accomplishments. There are still thousands of older gays who desperately need what we have to offer. It seems to me to be incumbent on each of us who has been helped by Prime Timers to see that others become aware of our services for them.
It was at the very first meeting of Prime Timers I realized the potential of a social organization such as ours; and it was at that moment that I realized where my retirement time and energies were going to be directed. And how much I personally have enjoyed Prime Timers! It is incalculable.
You too can look back as I do and say, "I have had the best retirement a person could hope for" For starters, as a chapter member, this could be as simple as finding an ideal location for your chapter meetings, or offering to head up a committee or plan an event. A great way to be of service is to contact your friends in other cities about getting a chapter going in their areas.
As an independent member, you can notify everyone you know about our club and what membership can do for them; or let the worldwide board know what talents you have that you'd be willing to put to work for Prime Timers. Look around you and see how you an be a factor in enriching men's lives through Prime Timers. Your life will be blessed; trust me. "Been there, done that."
Prime Times: July, August, September, 2003
I am already preparing for old age (and perhaps you should too). Old age opens the door to a new world. The boy scout motto "Be Prepared" has always served us well. Right?
I'll probably give up some of my youthful pursuits like Prime Timers and become active in AARP.
I'll bore my friends with long discourses on my aches and pains. I'll tell them the same stories over and over and over. I'll be constantly saying things like "I remember when you could buy this for a nickel." They will love to hear me say, "I don't know how I found time to work"
I'll keep the medical profession solvent; those poor doctors and prescription drug companies need all the help they can get. I'll have a plastic-pill box labeled "S, M, T, W, T, F, and S. I'll buy eight alarm clocks so I'll remember to take all my medications when I am supposed to. I may even redo my living room with chairs around the perimeter, an occasional table and lamp and lots of old magazines so I'll feel at home.
I'll move to Palm Springs or Fort Lauderdale. I'll catch up. I'll sew on buttons. I'll remember jokes because my mind won't be so full of other thoughts. I'll read sexy novels.
Old age has to be wonderful because you have an excuse for everything. For example, if you forget something, if you embarrass your friends and family, if your clothes don't match, well, you just shrug your shoulders and say, I'm old? That's all the excuse you need.
Oh, yes, I'll get senior discounts. I'll exaggerate. I'll rearrange my files and clear my desk so I can find things. I'll be cantankerous. I'll write better filosofy. I'll give up sex and do crossword puzzles instead; maybe even jigsaw puzzles. I'll exercise. I'll get a cat. I'll slow down and smell the roses. I'll go to church and pray for the younger generation that's going to hell in a hand basket (whatever that is).
I'll eat chocolate and not feel guilty. Maybe I'll even order a banana split with three kinds of chocolate ice cream and three sauces (including, of course, hot fudge) with lots of whipped cream and nuts. Oh, what the hell, put on a maraschino cherry. I'll be old and I'll deserve it.
I'll complain. I'll say what I really think. I'll wear purple. I'll look in the mirror every day and marvel at how that old man can look so young. I'll go to high school reunions. I'll be the most contentious bridge player at the senior center. Heaven help you, Partner, if you trump my ace!
I'm only 83 but I don't think you can start too soon at planning for old age. I'm planning.
Prime Times: December 2003
One of my firm never-reached goals was to invent a pill so that at age 50 we could reverse chronological aging and go back through our forties, thirties, twenties, teens, preteen, childhood. If we lived long enough, we would crawl back into the womb at 100. BUT . . . the difference would be that through those reverse years, we would know what we know now
On the plus side, there would be no arthritis, no hearing aids, no canes, no pacemakers, almost no cancer, heart failure, etc. or at least we would not be worrying about them. And at age 40 we could throw away forever those bifocals. And just think for a while about all those lost opportunities we didn't handle well because we didn't know what we know now. There was that hunky college roommate who could have been had if we had known the proper technique. Amazing what a six-pack will do.
Of course, reaching our teens again would be totally different now that girls can take a pill to avoid pregnancy. We would not be having those memorable masturbation sessions we had in high school after we had spent the night necking with our girl friends. We didn't dare consummate then, so we were still horny after taking them home and we did what teenage boys do. Right? And we wouldn't have those carefree days in the 1970s before you-know-what disease came on the scene and we barely knew what a condom was.
But probably the worst of all we would not have experienced that great social being that we know as Prime Timers. I would have been only 33 at the time I started the organization, and who the hell needs a social organization at 33! So perhaps we should be thankful that I never invented that pill. Instead we should enjoy our sixties, our seventies, our eighties and be thankful we're still here. Who the hell would want to crawl back into the womb anyway — certainly not me.
Prime Times: March 2004
I have failed miserably the Woody Baldwin filosofy test! Well, maybe "miserably" is overstating things a bit. I have always preached to anyone who would listen to think positively Most pressures, anxieties, even pain will be lessened or go away if we are optimistic and if we will take our minds away from the negative influences. In other words "accentuate the positive." (Remember that song; don't admit it if you do, because you'll be giving away your age.)
I have always prided myself on my ability to "not cry over spilled milk." If there is nothing you can do to undo the bad happenings, put them out of your mind and get on with your life. All kinds of cliques come to mind like "Get up, dust yourself off and get back in the race."
As many of you know, I recently lost my partner of 37 years. On both the optimism and getting back where you left off, I deserve an "F." I have learned that positive thoughts are much harder to conjure up when death of your loved one is the issue. And such a happening bears no resemblance to spilled milk.
But on one facet of my Filosofy where I deserve "A+" has always been my contention that Prime Timers is one of the greatest organizations in existence today. I can't imagine how I could have survived without the overwhelming support that I got from Prime Timers everywhere. I wish I had time to acknowledge personally every card, letter, email, phone call, donation, flowers and other expressions of sympathy poured in from all over the world.
I don't have the vocabulary to describe how much this all meant to me. And the local chapter here in Austin has been so supportive in so many ways. Seven members were present when the last breath came and stayed with me for the rest of the day. Another member spent three nights with me while Sean was in ICU; and one came from Boston to spend a week helping me get things in order.
Yes, I am more dedicated than ever to do more to see that every older gay man learns about our organization; and I solicit your help. Tell your friends about the organization that has changed so many lives forever. I am a perfect example.
Prime Times: June 2004
Old age sucks! How many times have we heard this from our peers? If you belong to the "half empty" personality group, you can find plenty of material to prove the veracity of the remark.
If, on the other hand, you ascribe to the philosophy (see, I do know how to spell it) group that the glass is half full, then you can find an abundance of evidence to support a feeling that "Old age rocks", the antonym for "sucks." Did you know that? If you're not careful, you'll learn something new every day! If I didn't associate, among other, with some so-called twinkies and learn some of their modern vocabulary, I would never have realized that I was receiving the supreme compliment when a 30-year-old woman introduced me at her birthday party to a group of her friends as the "king of rock." I would have thought she had me confused with Elvis.
At least, on the subject of aging, I like to believe I am thinking "half full." When I stop to count my blessings I have to thank my friend up there that I have lived to be 84. So many of my high school and college friends never came home from World War II. What a depressing thought that these beautiful lives were snuffed out at such an early age. I hate war! There just has to be a better way to solve world problems than through killing beautiful people.
When I bitch (and I do bitch sometimes) about having to take so many pills, I console myself saying that without them I might be dead. A generation ago these medications were not available and people expired.
And aren't we lucky to have lived long and to be able to go to a gay bar or a Prime Timers meeting without worry that we'll be arrested with our names put in the paper and made to suffer such consequences as the loss of our careers, the respect in the community and finally even our families! And it did happen in the 40s, 50s, and 60s!
You can believe that old age sucks, if you want, but you'll never convince this old codger; hell, I am a rock!!!
Prime Times: September 2004
I have tried very hard to accept advances in technology as progress: but I am becoming more skeptical daily about whether we are really progressing or are we regressing.
Today's pet peeve is what I have dubbed "mucho puncho," referring to those annoying canned messages where you punch 1 if....; punch 2 if....through zero. Then a new sequence appears and you proceed again through punch 1 if....2 if....only to find that there's a new set of mucho punchos ad infinitum.
Then this more annoying voice comes on saying, "If you wish to make a call, hang up and dial again." By this time I'm in a complete rage shouting obscenities that I haven't heard since I was in the service nearly 60 years ago and I am shouting to the deaf machine, "expletive deleted I want to talk to a real person expletive deleted." That's when I have to remind myself that this is called progress.
In my somewhat worn-with-age mentality, I have reasoned that the suspicions we had when computers first came into existence have finally materialized. We should not blame either political party for the job shortages today; instead I think it is the natural result of "progress" and the computers have eliminated too many jobs. If so, is the situation destined to become worse? Where is FDR now that we need him? He created jobs sponsored by the government to keep our parents from having to search through garbage cans, as I saw well-dressed people do during the depression.
I'm sure someone smarter than I knows the answers; just keep punching the telephone or computer keyboard until you get the right answer. Good luck; just remember it's called "progress."
When Prime Timers gets the dream fulfilled of having a central office with a paid employee, we can join the Z generation (or whatever the hell this generation is called) and answer the phone with "Hello, this is Prime Timers Worldwide. If you wish to speak to the president, punch one; if you wish to speak to the vice president of chapters, press 2; if you wish to speak to the vice president of independent members, press 3; if..... If nothing else works and this is an emergency, call Woody Baldwin. If you wish to make a call, hang up and dial again." Just remember, this is progress. Sometimes progress sucks.
Prime Times: December 2004
It's time to plan my day — what shall I bitch about today? At age 84 that should be the easiest thing I have to do. Where do I start? How about bitching about all the pills I have to take every day. (Would you believe 12?) When I get out of bed in the morning, the only future I see is pills. Yuck! But then those pills may be the reason I am still around. I was introduced to an audience last year and the M.C. said, "I saw on TV the other night where the life expectancy for men is now 75. The way I have it figured is that Woody Baldwin has been dead for 8 years and no one has noticed." Well, I'm still milking my longevity for all I can get out of it.
Next bitch — it is such a bore having to take inventory of all my artificial parts to be sure I haven't forgotten anything. Let's see, do I have my glasses, my hearing aids, my pill box, my cane, my prescription sun glasses, etc. But, you know what, I can still go. I can still drive. I get on the freeway and drive 70 miles an hour just like the 40-year-olds. Never mind that when people see this mop of white hair going 70 mph they all get out of the way.
My arthritic knee hurts. I should have a knee replacement, but I haven't yet exhausted all the reasons for procrastinating. I hate having to use the cane, the knee brace, the Flexall, the Tylenol and the ice pack. But you know what? I can still walk. I am not in a wheel chair like my high school friend (Monte) who is paralyzed from a stroke, is almost blind, and takes more pills than I do. Yet she has maintained that same spirit and sense of humor that I admired more than 65 years ago. On tally, my list of blessings is many times the length of my problems.
When my beloved partner, Sean O'Neill, passed on a year ago, I must have received more than 100 well wishes from Prime Timers from all over the world; and at least that many from non-Prime Timers. With that many people rooting for me, how can I bitch? Well, I shouldn't. I have enough wonderful memories to keep me smiling for a long, long time. If I can't bitch, I guess I'll have to develop a hobby; got any games you want to play?
The Prime Timers Newsletter — January, 2005
I once saw a list of the zodiac signs and one word to describe the outstanding characteristic of people of that sign. The word to describe Aries people was "pushy". My first thought, of course, was a defensive one denying that I was pushy.
But as I cogitated on the subject, I finally concluded that they might be right. When I want something badly enough, I usually get it (and always have). I like to think I am not offensive or rude in quest of my goal, but I had to conclude that I am aggressive (that sounds much better than "pushy", don't you think?)
If I call an airline for a senior discounted ticket, and the agent tells me there are no more seats in the senior discount category, I thank him or her politely (I think), call right back, get another agent; and you'd be surprised at how often I've gotten what I wanted. It may even take three calls, but eventually I almost always get on the flight at the senior rate. Is that being pushy? To me it is just good business.
At the theater box office, I ignore the "sold out" and "standing room only" signs and go to the counter with my white hair well displayed and put on my "poor pitiful old man" look and ask if by chance they've had a cancellation and a ticket might possibly be available. It's amazing how often they "find" an available seat or they put a chair in the space reserved for people in wheel chairs. I didn't spend 84 years growing these white hairs and then not use them for something useful.
When I moved to Austin, as soon as I got a little acclimated to the culture shock of moving from Boston, I wanted to start a chapter of Prime Timers. By this time I had read enough of the local gay newspaper to have identified the leaders in the community. I went to each to get advice and to let them know my plans. In every case, they wished me luck but said Austin is not a ''joining'' city; gay organizations just don't last. But the Aries in me said, "Go ahead; you're pushy enough to pull it off." Fifteen years later Austin Prime Timers is going great. OK, so I'm pushy; could I have been just as successful if I were a virgin, I mean a Virgo?
The Prime Timers Newsletter —
April, 2005
Prime Timers is on a roll!
Thanks to the hard work of our
Worldwide board members, and
especially our VP of Chapters, Michael
Stone, and some loyal
members, we have gone from 50
chapters to 60 in less than two
years. What makes this even
more amazing is that it has happened
at a time when we are
witnessing a big anti-gay movement
in the U.S. particularly.
The stronger that Prime Timers
becomes, and other gay
movements do the same, the
better defense we have against
the anti-gay advocates. Let’s not
let the powers-that-be put us back
in the 40s and 50s; it could
happen.
Yet with this wonderful growth
that our organization is experiencing,
there are still many more men
who need us than are getting the
word. Prime Timers has already
enabled thousands of men to
have a better aging experience
than they ever dreamed possible.
In the United States alone, there
are many large communities that
still do not have a chapter; for instance,
Milwaukee, St. Louis, Indianapolis,
Fresno, Nashville, Louisville,
Pittsburgh, Birmingham, Augusta,
Detroit, and the list goes
on! Do you realize there is only
one chapter in all of New York,
Illinois and Pennsylvania with their
big populations?
And only four countries in the
entire world have chapters;
namely Canada, Australia, Sweden
and the United States.
If in your heart you believe that
every aging gay and bisexual man
in the world should have the opportunity
to be as happy as they
were in their younger years,
shouldn’t you be doing everything
you can to get out the word about
Prime Timers. I promise you that
if you could feel that you were responsible
for the establishment of
even one chapter, you would be
so proud of your accomplishment.
It is overwhelming, I guarantee.
So why not write your friend or
acquaintance in any of the places
that still have no chapter to see if
they can’t start one in their community
or find someone who can
and will. Many men have “fallen
through the cracks of gay society”
through no fault of their own, or
some guys just need to add to
their number of gay and bisexual
friends; I implore you to dig in and
help these brothers; let’s stay on
this roll. We can do it.
The Prime Timers Newsletter —
July, 2005
My latest observation about life is that we never mature to the point where there is no more room for growth. I know Miss Manners would tell me never to discuss religion; but, what the hell, I feel strongly that religion demands our maturing as well as other emotions, thoughts, physiques, etc.; and if my confessions about my religion offends you, press your "delete" button now.
I was saturated as a child in a religion that forbade such blasphemous behavior as playing cards, dancing, appearing in a skimpy bathing suit — even "gosh" was a barely accepted four-letter word and "sex"!!! Forget it—it simply should not exist until that little gold harness was on your left ring finger and even then you didn't talk about sex.
While I was still in my teens, my testosterone levels carried me to a state of passion that left me with no alternative but to seek a new church. I didn't want my ticket to hell to be punched each time I masturbated or even thought about that grossly sinful act of sex with someone else.
I began to recognize that God was a god of love — hating people because of their "sins" just didn't cut the mustard with me. What could God possibly find objectionable about a game of bridge? So I moved to a more liberal church.
Even though I could now play cards, dance, etc., that monster "sex" was still threatening my chances of ever hob-nobbing with angels. Even in this church the mention of homosexuality would probably have brought a request for smelling salts or a puke pan. Somehow I was still masturbating and now satisfying my out-of-control carnal desires (dare I speak it?) of sharing my passions with other people and (dare I speak it?) most of them were men. Horrors!
I decided that God saw no relationship between sex and sin as long as it was with a consenting adult. You bet I'm religious; but my religion has evolved and I am happy with no fears of a god who tolerates hate. I have thrown away my ticket to hell; I'm just not going there.
Would starting a club for older men who have sex with men been tolerated by the original church? Are you kidding? But my conscience is clear when I see these gay men enjoying each other and enjoying life. Prime Timers is a great thing for ageing gays. So I challenge you to join me and become a "missionary" to spread the word about our organization that has brought so much happiness to so many men.
To borrow from the church hymnal:
You bring the one next to you
And I'll bring the one next to me.
In no time at all, we'll have them all
So win them, win them, one by one.
The Prime Timers Newsletter —
January, 2006
Do you sometimes think your life is a soap opera? or
a complicated Rand-McNally map with too many
roads going in too many directions? or a nightmarish
dream from which you can't wake? or
the dullest book you've ever read?
Well, there may be a solution. I guess it all
goes back to a Sunday school lesson I learned
many, many years ago. When I start to get into
those damned doldrums and am feeling sorry
for myself, I "count my blessings" and wonder
what I have done to deserve all the privileges
and pleasures I have enjoyed. Why me? So, if
life has been as good to you as it has been to me, relax.
So I have done some things I shouldn't! By my standards
(which may for some seem low) they were all
right with me and my good friend "up there", who obviously
likes me. If it were not so, he would not have
been so good to me.
A bunch of us retired geezers were playing
cards recently and I was trying to persuade
one of them to run for president of our chapter
of Prime Timers. He was resisting and I said
facetiously, "but think how good it would look
on your resume". He said, "There is only one
resume that I am concerned about and that is
the one to get me upstairs when I die; and I
don't think God will give a damn that I was president of
Prime Timers. How can you argue against that
kind of reasoning?
What does all this lead up to? Who knows? I guess
counting your blessings is a way to conclude that
thing are never as bad as they may seem to be at that
moment. It works for me.
Live to love and you'll love to live.
The Prime Timers Newsletter —
March, 2006
Instead of the usual upbeat, devil-may-care, let's-have fun
demeanor of your founder, you are about to be introduced
to the flip side of Woody Baldwin, where I am old,
cantankerous, opinionated and pessimistic. So, here's today's
diatribe. "Fasten your seat belts; it's going to be a
bumpy ride."
Why can't we just get along? Another holiday
season of love and brotherhood has just passed,
and "peace on earth" is still a myth. And as an octogenarian,
I seem to observe that it is only getting
worse.
"United we stand, divided we fall"; listen, politicians,
listen. I am not aware of a time during my
overstay on earth that I can remember when people
were more divided in more ways than right now.
We have to look only at our own country to see that
a drastic change has occurred since I was young.
Our partisan politics is eating away at the very
structure of government in the USA; no longer are vital
issues viewed as "what's good for the country and its citizens,"
they are looked at as "what's good for the party". I
will be leaving this earthly existence soon; I was hoping to
depart with optimism, but how can I? If I didn't love America,
I wouldn't care; but I do.
Our system of justice is a travesty. There is no justice.
The entire judicial system needs to be overhauled from the
selection of the Supreme Court down. The poor are guilty
because they can't afford good lawyers; the rich get little (if
any) punishment. Remember when "people were innocent
until proven guilty"? Where did it go?
And every issue becomes a partisan one. My favorite
example of this is when, a few years ago, funding for the
arts was a big issue in Congress; the Democrats were for it
and the Republicans were against. There's no way of convincing
me that Republicans don't enjoy the arts as much
as Democrats. And gay marriage —don't tell me one party
"suffers" more from the institution than the other. It has
become a political football just like everything else.
I was so disappointed when McCain refused to
join forces with Kerry as his running mate. They
were supposedly good friends; I think such a union
could have done a lot toward healing the
schism between political parties.
And division of church and state? When I was
young, the church was a bastion of love and fellowship.
Now it has gone political and seems
more a bastion of hate, prejudice and bigotry.
What went wrong?
And we're losing allies consistently, while making
our enemies hate us even more. Where will it
end? Cannibalism has always been seen as gruesome
as it could get. Well, we got rid of it; now we kill innocents
by the thousands. This is progress? There just has
to be a better way to solve differences between countries
than taking beautiful young lives, lives that can be here on
earth only once.
Despite all this, I love America and am thankful I was
born here. Well, I had to unload my frustrations. Forgive
me for making you the victims. As you can clearly see, I
have answers to all the problems; the downside is that no
one asks me. I need to sit down and count my blessings
like I counsel everyone else to do.
I will, I promise.
The Prime Timers Newsletter —
June, 2006
"In the spring a young man's fancy turns to love".
In the spring an older man's fancy turns to — well, let's
see, maybe what is, what was, what could have been,
what (thanks to Prime Timers) can be and,
yes, maybe even love. Why not?
We've been there. We've been in love
once, maybe two times, maybe three, a
hundred times. How many do we realize
now were just infatuations, sexual attractions,
rebound reactions, etc.; and how
many were really love in its meaningful
sense?
Now we feel fully qualified to advise
the young men how to tell the difference,
and adjust their behavior and attitudes so
as to achieve that ultimate goal of most
people--to have a lifetime relationship of
love and respect. But will our mature
judgments based on our own experiences
be truly workable guides for today's young or anytime's
young?
Fortunately, the world changes. The sixties are a
prime example. The young college-age youngsters
were tired of hearing "you can't change the world".
and they showed us oldies they could do it and they
did. Being in the young people business (college professor),
I was able to see from the inside looking out
what they were doing. This was when minorities'
rights were being jammed down the Americans'
throats--oftentimes with tactics that seemed preposterous
and provoking at the time. I approved of their
thinking and began to realize that radical
behavior was the only way they could get
an audience.
Blacks marched on Washington, women
burned their bras, gays fought police at
Stonewall. Skeptics will say, "but they became
druggies"; there was the same substance
abuse before but they were called
"dope addicts.". It and other attitudes and
behavior were brought to the surface and
the public had their noses rubbed in it; certain
behaviors became visible and were
exposed to be what they really were — learned behavior patterns involving greed,
prejudice and bigotry, etc. Love replaced
hate in many of life's expectancies.
Are we better off? I think so. "We've come a
long way" as the cliché goes. Should our advice to
the young be to just stick with love, and make it grow?
Such an attitude could do much to right some of
the country's wrongs that I talked about in my last philosophy.
Here I go being serious again (I'm going to
ruin my image) but maybe that is a product of age--
and I'm the one who was never going to get old!!!
The Prime Timers Newsletter —
October, 2006
USA TODAY recently reported that Americans have a third fewer close friends and confidants than just two decades ago--a sign that people may be living lonelier, more isolated lives than in the past.
This is a frightening situation. I suspect that the percentage might be even higher for older gay males who are facing their reclining years without a partner. Many of them do not have family to support them, or who through no fault of their own have "fallen between the cracks" of society.
I know that Prime Timers has helped to relieve the bad effects of loneliness on many of these men; they have told me so. As an organization, we are the largest group that is designed to addressing these problems; that has been our goal since the inception.
What is your chapter and you as an individual doing to address this situation? Does every older gay or bisexual male in your community know that the Prime Timers exists to help them enjoy their dessert years? If not, you may be falling short of your goal. I am excited that so many men have found friends and/or confidents in whom they can find support for themselves. But what frightens me is that there are too many older gays who don't know there is a place where they can have fun and make friends. I hope to live to see the day when we have 10,000 or more members.
But we need to move fast if I am to have that satisfaction; I am 86 and counting.
Today I read a quote from Plato that says "He who is of a calm and happy nature will hardly feel the pressure of aging; but to him who is of an opposite disposition; youth and age are equally a burden". Do you think he belonged to Prime Timers?
The Prime Timers Newsletter —
December, 2006
After 86½ years of contemplating
what is wrong
with the world today, I have
come up with a conclusion.
What the world has lost is
love. Read the letters to the
editor, 96% of them are hate
spreaders, people talking
about the evils that other
people are doing. How often
do you find one that is about
love, admiration, thankfulness,
and the many other components of love?
From the United Nations, the US government, our
state governments, our churches, our families, our
institutions, our schools, we spend more time on our
peeves than our loves. Love is where it is at. Are we
even guilty of these negative thoughts in Prime Timers?
When chapters are in trouble, it is almost always
because someone or someones are dwelling on selfishness
or another form of negativism instead of love.
Since there seems to be no hope of a trend toward
love emanating from the government, perhaps
we have to start at the bottom and work up. I decided
recently to take an inventory of Woody Baldwin to find
out how much of my thinking is negative as opposed
to positive. I sat at my desk and took two sheets of
paper and spent a couple of hours writing down the
thoughts I have that are positive and those that are
somehow related to hate. Operating on the theory
that you have to know yourself before you can relate
to others, I have embarked on a program to reduce
that negative list. Prepare for shock when you see
your lists.
I doubt that anyone else has noted the change in
me yet, but I have. I began to think about how these
things apply to Prime Timers too, perhaps the biggest
love of my life. If we are to survive as a worthwhile
entity, we have to love our organization and fellow
Prime Timers; and become dedicated to our original
purpose of making life better for older gay and bi men
(and their admirers). Let’s get rid of those petty gripes
that are poisoning our minds and detracting from our
original goal. It is doable. According to the gospel by
Woody, love is definitely where it is at.
The Prime Timers Newsletter —
February, 2007
While it may appear that I
haven’t learned anything in 86
years, here’s proof that I have.
Here are some of the things I
have come to know:
Teaching is a learning experience
— Ignorance is not the
same as stupidity
— Being a nonbeliever
is more noble than being
a hypocrite
— A compassionate
lie can sometimes be better
than truth.
— Something as innocent
as a smile can make a person’s
day
— Love is where it’s at.
The older you get and the harder it is to bend over, the
more things you drop — Celibacy sucks — Giving is more rewarding
than receiving — Negative thinking is addictive,harmful and contagious — Fortune is not measured in dollars — Religion is a personal thing not to be determined by
church — If there is heaven and a just God, you get there by
deeds, not beliefs.
Even truth is subject to change. Killing innocent people
is no way to settle differences; war is wrong. — Relatives are
useless unless they are also friends — True friends are a
priceless commodity and deserve our full respect —Hate is
evitable; so is war — Words are not “dirty”; it’s the intent that
makes them so.
There is no such thing as a stupid question. — Justice
should not be determined by wealth — Generations that are
“going to the dogs” don’t; they contribute — Life is too precious
to waste; live it to the fullest—My auto mechanic deserves
the same respect as my doctor — if it rains, let it —
There’s good in everyone — Old age sucks only if we allow it
to be.
Getting in a rut is non-productive; staying there is
wors — Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it — Prejudice against
groups is a sin — Sex between consenting adults is not a
sin. — If God had not intended me to sit, he would not have
made me to bend in the middle.
The Prime Timers Newsletter —
June, 2007
The ‘Good Old Days’ were 1920 to 2007
Remember the "good old days?" I
do because I have studied the subject
thoroughly. I don't know when your
"good old days" were, but I have finally
identified mine.
Remember when women wore
skirts (They need to change the logo
for women's rest rooms), and women
wore lipstick and rouge and curled their
hair (yes, it was important to be as
pretty as possible): and it was proper to
stand by your man as Tammy Wynette
sang so convincingly?
Men were considered rude if they
failed to open the car door for a lady
("lady" was a compliment in those
days). Men were "swell" when they
wore penny loafers and button-down
collars instead of torn jeans and sweatshirts,
and they wore lots of ties, coats
and they even cut their hair and shaved
their faces— not their heads. Children said
"maam" and "sir", and you could tell
from their appearance whether they
were male or female.
We thought Myrna Loy, Ginger
Rogers, Hedy Lamarr, Elizabeth Taylor
and Jane Wyman were beautiful. We
wondered what the generation before
us saw what was beautiful about Clara
Bow, Colleen Moore, Mary Pickford and
Norma Talmadge. Today we think all
the movie stars look alike with the long
straight hair, no
makeup, jeans
and plunging
necklines
(Horrors!) And
the stars are
photographed in
their jeans and tshirts
with messages
on the
front! So have
people
changed? Or has society changed?
Or have we changed?
I believe we have lived in the best
of times because we have seen the
beautiful, the ugly, the tragedies of war,
depression, prejudice, etc.; but with all
of this we have witnessed the progress
in education, technology, tolerance,
health, etc. We learned from it all and
are stronger for it.
Yes, there is no question in my
mind the "good old days" were from
1920 to 2007. If this makes me a Pollyanna,
so be it!
So what has this to do with Prime
Timers? Without it, I am sure 1987 to
2007 would have been a tapering off
time for a lot of us. To me, Prime Timers
has made that period as stimulating
as all the others. I wish the same for
you. If so, spread the word.
The Prime Timers Newsletter —
August, 2007
Can You Believe That Prime Timers is
Twenty Years Old? Wow!
CAN YOU BELIEVE that in that time we have
been giving thousands of older gays a way to
have a meaningful life in their advanced
years? We have shown them that there
is a lot of fun to be had at our advanced
ages. We have become the salvation for
many a bored, dispirited fellow who
thought gay life was only for the
young. Instead we have even proved to
them that they can still be sexually desirable.
CAN YOU BELIEVE that we have provided
the opportunity for many men to find
the love of their lives? I wish there were a way of
knowing how many single men have found a lifetime
partner through Prime Timers. We know
there have been many. In the early days of the
Austin chapter alone, a member complained to
me that there were too many couples and not
enough singles. I told them that nine of those
couples were 18 singles when they joined. That
number has no doubt tripled or quadrupled as the
chapter is now celebrating its 18th anniversary.
Surely this has happened in many chapters.
CAN YOU BELIEVE that we, in our own
quiet way, have changed the belief of
younger gays who thought there was no gay life after
40 or 50, or whatever date they had perceived
as the end of gay life? They have
witnessed Prime Timers having some of
the best years of their lives and it has
given them a brighter outlook on the future.
CAN YOU BELIEVE that in 20 years we have
brought older gays from the pits of gay society to
a position of genuine respect as a contributing
force in the gay community?
We have every right to be proud of our association.
Become an active Prime Timer and enjoy
these opportunities. Do good by telling all your
lonely friends about us. We are gay! We are
proud!
The Prime Timers Newsletter —
October, 2007
Oh, Those Memories
Come to think of it, there are things worse
than old age. When I am in one of my "old age
sucks" moods, I direct my thoughts to what
has been so good — things that many of my
friends never had the opportunity to experience
because they left this world so soon in life.
How lucky I am to have lived so much
longer than many of my friends — I lost young
buddies in World War II, the AIDS epidemic,
and for other reasons. Sometimes when I am
in my "Count your blessings" moods, I turn to
God and ask, "Why me? Why am I still here
and they're not?"
Sure, my short time memory is next to nil; but
what great memories I have of the past!!! And I say to
God, "Thanks for the memories". Perhaps I give an
inordinate amount of time to those thoughts; but, what
the hell, they give me pleasure and that's what old
age is about. Most of my thoughts of the future are
limited by my physical limitations; but 13 pills a day is
making those bearable...and the rest is just wait and
see. My long term memory has blocked out most of
the road bumps and I remember the good
things. Psychologists say we do tend to remember
the good easier than we do the bad. I think it works.
I spend as little time as possible in front of the
mirror because the body that I see "ain't what
it used to be"; but, then when I was young I
thought I was too skinny. The bay window
and the sagging parts are not what I had envisioned.
My dear ex (Sean) was also thin
when young, and bay windowed as he got
older. He said once that at some time he
must have been just right and didn't take time
to notice.
But I have Prime Timers, I have friends, I
have enough money to pay my bills here at
the retirement home, I have better health than
most old farts in my age category, and I have
fun, hope, and lots of other goodies. And oh those
memories!
And the way I dress doesn't have to be sartorially
perfect; I can pig out on hot fudge sundaes, have no
crease in my pants, and not make by bed every day
because people don't expect as much of you, the
older you get. And the more you mature, the more
you appreciate those freedoms that come only with
advanced age. I don't even have to lie about my age
except on Silver Daddies.
Guess this is all I have to philosophize about today.
I need to get back to those memories anyhow.
Oh, those memories!.
The Prime Timers Newsletter —
December, 2007
I have always wondered when someone is being
honored how he can say that the experience is humbling,
but this anniversary year has taught me why they say
that. The many recognitions that I have had this year
have taught me why they say it. Part of this is, as I have
said many times, that I consider myself to be merely the
person who turned the key in the ignition. It is you and
you and you and the other soon-to-be 10,000 members,
who are responsible for the growth and prestige
that Prime Timers enjoys today.
When I started our organization 20 years ago, it was
designed to be, simply stated, a place where older gay
and bisexual men could go and not feel intimidated or
unwanted. With 70 chapters now and more in the womb,
we have accomplished not only that; but, in our own quiet
way, have elevated the status of older gay and bisexual
men. We are no longer the pits of society but are proud
to be up with the best. And, without it being our expressed
intention, have shown younger gays that gay life
does not end at an imaginary date but can be a happy
lifetime situation.
I hope you are proud of what we have achieved and
will fight to see that we stick to our original simple purpose
and do not fall into the temptation to reach out to all
gays, and in so doing make us an ordinary gay organization
of which there are many. We are unique as the
only worldwide organization that focuses on older
gay men. With our phenomenal growth, we are successful.
I belong to the "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" philosophy.
Thanks again to all those hard-working guys who
have planned and executed the honors I have received
this year. I am proud of our 20 years and hope there will
be many more after I pass on. I feel that Prime Timers
has capped off a wonderful life for me. Obviously, someone
up there likes me despite the "sins" I have committed.
I have been so fortunate. May you be so blessed.
The Prime Timers Newsletter —
February, 2008
If I were moving to a new city,
the first thing I would check: Is
there a Prime Timers chapter
there? Is it possible that there
are people in your city who do
not know there is a chapter
there? If so, you may not be
fulfilling our purpose of proving
a better social life for every
older gay or bisexual man in
your city.
I think one of our greatest weakness in both our
chapters and Worldwide is that we are not doing
our best job of publicizing our existence. The consequence
is that some very lonely man is sitting
home depressed because he is old and doesn't
know any one that he can be friendly with as a gay
brethren. Our computer presence helps but it does
not reach those who don't have a machine. Are
we submitting press releases to the gay paper
when we do something special? Could we use
some of our resources to put a small ad, just to
let older gays know we exist for their pleasure?
Can they visit our chapter and be introduced to
several of the members, and do we make
sure they are not allowed to stand alone wishing
someone would talk to them? A hospitality committee
may be as important as the publicity committee.
The worst thing that could happen is for
that visitor to go home and think we are a group of
cliques and that he would never fit in.
Are we showing them that we are a friendly group
of guys and that they will have a better social life
by joining? Every visitor should be given an application
to join at the time he checks in. He may
want to join on the spot.
There are so many ways we can increase our
membership and at the same time meet the goals
of Prime Timers that every older gay and bisexual
man has a chance to live a better social life among
people of his own kind? Does every young man
who prefers the company of older man know we're
there for him too? Let's be sure we're doing all we
can to serve our fellow older gay and bisexual men.
The Prime Timers Newsletter —
April, 2008
This election year has
been one of the most
interesting I have experienced
in my long, long
lifetime. I can't imagine
how any future
presidential contest
is going to be more
dramatic and more full
of surprises. Unlike my
usual self, I have read
everything I could about
it. I subscribe to Newsweek,
Time and U.S.
News and World Report
and I think I've read
every article they have published about the election.
But the election has brought me sadness and despair.
As my life is on the downward skids, I have
had to face realities I had hoped would have been
history generations ago. Prejudice, hate and bigotry
still lives. True, we have made progress but it is far
too slow; will it ever cease? Austin is supposed to be
a liberal oasis in a red neck state; but even here I
heard remarks like, "You are surely not going to vote
for that colored man, are you?" "I am not ready to
have a black first lady in the White House." Admittedly,
the remarks came from people in my generation,
where we grew up with bigotry. There is hope amongst
the younger generations.
And the hate is not all aimed at the black people;
everyone who reads this (I assume someone does) is
a victim. Can you imagine the remarks if a gay person
were running — "A fag in the White House, no
way!" And are we going to have a queer for first
lady?" "I wonder who will design his dress for the
inauguration bal.l"
We could laugh it all off if it were not so serious. I
have been at the forefront of the black, the female
and the gay movements for equality. Let's respect
the young people of today for their better understanding
and hope within a generation or two that prejudice,
hate and bigotry will be a thing of the past. It's
my sincere hope and would like to think I might have
had a teensy-weensy part in helping some people
have a little bit better life. Think young. It helps.
The Prime Timers Newsletter —
June, 2008
Remember the stories
you got from whatever
sources about birds
and bees? Well, one of
the advantages of being
old is that we know what
sex is (or was). I can't
believe that I was brainwashed
into believing
that stork myth—or
Santa Claus—or the
tooth fairy, etc. When I
learned the truth about
these fictional characters,
my faith in my parents'
veracity was forever
slightly tarnished. Am I sorry that these misrepresentations
occurred? I don't know.
One thing I do know is that my maturity (the socially
acceptable word for old age) has been enriched
by my life's experiences, some not so good but far
more that have left me with pleasant memories—so
pleasurable in fact that when I read the daily obituaries,
I can't help feeling so sorry for the people who
have not had the opportunity to live to be 88. Then I
wonder why I, of all people, have been so blessed.
As I have said in this column before, my friend up
there obviously likes me, or he would not have allowed
me to experience all the pleasures and privileges
that have made my life so memorable to me in
the days when memories are the tool for keeping me
smiling.
Without Prime Timers, my older life could have
been dreadful, and I owe many thanks to all you
guys who have made our organization so successful
in enriching the lives of older gay and bisexual men.
Tears usually roll down my cheeks when a Prime
Timer expresses gratitude to me for founding the organization
that has changed their lives for the better.
What you have contributed in building Prime
Timers surely overshadows what I did in founding
it. But if I am responsible in my way, however small,
for the successful existence of our organization, then
I am happy. I have personally benefited as much as
any of you. My sincere thanks. There are too many
of you now to hug each Prime Timer, but I would if I
could!!!
The Prime Timers Newsletter —
August, 2008
One of the magazines that I
read has a monthly column in
which celebrities of one kind or
another tells what he or she has
learned. Since I am not a celebrity,
I have chosen to talk
about what I have NOT
learned.
After several years as an octogenarian,
I still don't understand
American politics. Now
that we are immersed in an
election of major importance, it is politics as usual. It
seems we still do not select our government officials
on a basis of what they can do for the lives of us ordinaries,
but instead select them because of whom or
how many they slept with, their physical makeup
(sexual components, skin color, etc.), friends of thirty
years ago, which church they attended in the past or
present, and the list goes on. Instead of focusing on
issues, the party leaders are busy trying to see how
many "negatives" they can find on the other party's
candidate and how to respond to the accusations
against their own party. Why is it that when a politician
of one party suggests something, the other party
is automatically against it regardless of its effect on
us? Perhaps I'm a slow learner.
And while I'm in this optimistic mood (joke), I
have not learned why human beings are prejudiced
against other bona fide, card-carrying human beings
because of their race, sexual orientation (I cringe
when they use the word "preference), gender, nationality,
religion, or whatever. There are good and bad
individuals among all these classifications, but the
good in all far outnumber the bad. And we all have
our own definition of good and bad. OK, if you must
hate, hate so-called bad individuals, but don't focus
your hatred on the entire classification. I haven't
learned.
And I have not learned why we cannot find a better
way of settling differences between nations (or
even within them) than taking the precious lives of
innocent human beings. Depression comes easily to
me when I think of my wonderful, promising young
friends who died in wars. Why not me, God? Is my
life any more precious than theirs? I don't think so
yet theirs was snuffed out by war.
Enough of these rants and raves; I should be using
this time to suggest ways of righting these
wrongs. Procrastination. I'll write that letter tomorrow.
The Prime Timers Newsletter —
October, 2008
How is Prime Timers doing?
How is your chapter
doing (and remember, Independents,
you are a
chapter and your
“president” [at the time of this writing] is Jay Pitard).
How are you doing as a
member?
Prime Timers is each of
us. There is a reason we
joined. We are a part of
the largest world organization
catering to older gays, bisexuals and young
men who prefer the company of older men. We
can boast of 72 chapters worldwide. That is an
achievement far beyond my expectations when I
started Prime Timers 20+ years ago. We are lucky
to have at present a dedicated board of directors
who are working hard for you.
We have individual chapters who have far exceeded
my dreams of bringing together homogenous
groups of gays with high ideals, and with a
dedication to do all they can to have a happy seniority
for themselves and for other fun-loving men
like themselves.
How is your chapter doing? Are you increasing
your membership? Are you doing all you can to
reach ALL the older gay and bisexual men in your
area? Publicity is so very important. Are you making
visitors and new members comfortable and
happy? Hospitality is so very important. Are you
providing numerous and varied activities to appeal
to everyone? Pleasurable experiences are so very
important.
How are you as a member doing? Are you volunteering
services to your Prime Timers chapter and/or worldwide? Are you telling your personal
friends or your contacts on Silver Daddies about
our organization? Are you offering constructive
ideas to your chapter? Are you supporting activities?
Are you taking advantages of the opportunities
for enriching your life that Prime Timers offers?
It’s all about love.
The Prime Timers Newsletter —
December, 2008
OK, so I'm old, but I am not looking for sympathy; I have had one hell of a good time getting here.
They say happiness is a frame of mind; well maybe so, but I think it may be the other way around — that one's frame of mind determines happiness.
Happy thinking begets happy living; negative thinking begets misery. Having been a people person all my life (I can't drive a straight nail), I have observed all kinds. There are people in this world unfortunately who have a mind set that is always looking for what's wrong about a situation, and there are those who are able to see some good in everything. The old "half-empty/half-full" glass syndrome.
I'll let you guess which are happy and which are miserable. And their attitude affects everyone in their presence. Do you think negative thinking is hereditary, or is it absorbed from their surroundings? I only know questions; I don't specialize in answers.
Lincoln said it so well that you can't please all the people all the time; but you can get a long way just by trying. So you don't reach the heights of happiness! You're sure as hell not going to find it by giving up just because a few old soreheads will never be happy no matter what. I wonder if Lincoln could drive a nail!
Membership (and participation) in Prime Timers offers all of us an opportunity to find a lot of happiness no matter what has gone before. Instead of becoming a couch potato and/or a grump in our maturity, we have a good chance to meet some truly nice guys and do a lot of fun things. Happiness? You bet! Let's resolve to share this blessing with those who haven't yet discovered us.
The Prime Timers Newsletter —
February, 2009
In the U.S. we have
just elected a president
who has shown
he has the capacity to
be as intelligent, capable,
open-minded,
compassionate as
members of any race,
religion, sexual orientation,
gender,
etc. Citizens of other
countries may recognize
some of the
same challenges
we're facing in America.
One of President
Obama's expressed goals is to create "one people".
Media is doing nothing but exacerbating the
problem when they constantly refer to "the first black
president, the first Muslim governor, the first gay congressman,
the first woman speaker", and the
list goes on. This categorizing only widens the
schism that has been the divisional force that has
kept our proud country from reaching its potential.
The president alone cannot build the concept of one
people. The schools, the churches, the parents cannot
do it alone. It requires every one of us — I'm talking
about you and me to bring us to the reality of one
people. This concept must permeate our thinking,
our speaking, our attitudes, our behavior. Why
should it matter whether a person is Democrat, Republican,
Libertarian, Independent; Christian, Jew,
Muslim, Catholic; gay, bisexual, straight; male, female;
black, white, brown, yellow, purple; as long as
they are qualified and intelligent enough to do the
job?
The advantages of the concept of one people can
miraculously affect positively our economy, our environment,
our foreign relations and all the other problems
facing our country and the world.
There has never been a better time in the history of
America to bring about a revolution against prejudice,
bias and hate than with the inauguration of "the first
black president". Let's not blow it by continuing to
categorize people and spreading and clinging to our
divisional thinking.
The Prime Timers Newsletter —
April, 2009
Everyone thinks when
you get old that your
troubles cease; all
you have to do is sit
home all day, watch
television, complain
about your aches and
pains (who
listens?) or worry why the kids
don't call (these kids
are 60 years old), and become
obsessed with
the weather, take
pills, etc.
Things you miss — no
salary increases, no
promotions, no holidays,
no wild Friday and Saturday nights because
you don't have to go to work tomorrow, no two-week
vacations, no time away from your spouse, and the
list goes on.
You're convinced you have no good friends, no sex,
no fun, no persons to play games with, no travel
companions, no one who is interested in the same
things you are, no way to meet an LTR, no status; in
summary, you're not worth anything to anyone.
Well, my dear brother; it doesn't have to be. There is
now something you can do about all this. The readers
of this newsletter are blessed to have an outlet
where life can be worthwhile again, where your calendar
can have few blank spaces, fun is available, a
good possibility for sex of the kind most seniors don't
have, and a good opportunity to meet Mr. Right. You
can have friends to join you in eating out, traveling,
playing games, and all those goodies you remember
as fun when you were 37.
It is called Prime Timers. If your attitude is right,
blessings are many. You can be worthwhile again by
doing your part in bringing happiness to older gay
and bisexual men; you can have as much fun as you
are willing to put into the activities. You've taken the
first step--you have joined. Now make the good
things happen by being active in your chapter
(Independents are a chapter).
Let the good times roll.
The Prime Timers Newsletter —
June, 2009
Every life, including yours, is so very important because it touches many other lives, even though we are not conscious of it at the time the experience is happening.
We all live in one big, wide world; yet each of us lives in a world that is different from that of any other individual, even your identical twin. My individual world is not the same as yours. Our worlds are the result of many factors, some controllable and some not. It is a composite of our genes, our experiences, our conscious and oftentimes unconscious efforts to mold it, etc., all of which results in our own peculiar and precious little world.
Our attitudes, our personal philosophies, our personalities, our influences, our behaviors etc. are the
confluence of every experience we have ever had. Speaking of personal philosophy, if you want to have a fun and perhaps revealing experience, sit down at your computer or with pad and pencil and define your philosophy of life. It's worth the time.
So, how does all this affect us as Prime Timers? We all need each other to share our thoughts, our aspirations, our talents, our passions for the growth of not only our own worlds, but the great opportunity as an organization to enrich the lives of so many other fellows who embrace our commonality. As the world's largest organization of its kind, we have a golden opportunity to significantly help thousands of older gay and bisexual men to have a happier and richer world. Hey, Fellows, let's not pass up this opportunity. Become an active Prime Timer, starting today. You'll probably be pleasantly surprised at how much it will enrich your own world.
The Prime Timers Newsletter —
August, 2009
I am recommending to you that when you are having a down day to play with yourself. No, not in that way. Shame on you for having your mind in the gutter.
If you've never done it before, sit down with paper and pencil and figure out which were "the good old days." Start with your birth date and try to recall all the advantages it offered -- lots of attention, no responsibilities, etc., then take the next 10 years and do the same and continue to the present. Oh, those wonderful carefree college days, those first years with your significant other, your retirement, etc., etc.
Now do the same with the downside of each of these decades. As a baby, no way to communicate, as a teenager, lack of money to do the things you'd like, later years, death of friends, etc., etc.
Now, with all that information, try to determine which were "the good old days." If you have gathered a rather complete list of advantages and disadvantages, you may find it extremely difficult to define which is best. I find projects such as this a great way to get my mind off my reasons for being "down"; and you may find when you hae finished, that you have used up a large section of the day and find your downs have somehow disappeared.
We all have "up" days and "down" days. On those negative occasions, I find that getting involved in a project can drown out a lot of the self pity that is a part of the "down." One of my favorites is to clean out some files, rearrange my storage shelves (you'll be surprised to find things you had forgotten you owned), clean off the top of my desk, and again lots of etc's.
Being active in Prime Timers provides a lot of positive occasions: take advantage of them. Meet new people; have fun. Life dowsn't have to be a predominance of downs. Good luck.
The Prime Timers Newsletter —
October, 2009
If you want to piss me off, just use the term "sexual preference." Who in his right mind would choose to be gay? Now that we're there, we're proud and have had so much fun that (given what we know now) we might well have chosen to be homosexual.
It is not, as the evangelists would lead us to believe, that at a certain point in our lives, God said, "Do you want to be heterosexual and have a respected way of life with a mate and children, or do you want to be homosexual and be chided and even hated by a large segment of the population? And we supposedly said, "By all means, make me homosexual."
I am sure that many gay friendly people use the term without realizing the negativity of it. Those persons I can accept because they don't realize that it is like the "n" word to blacks; and I am sure they'd say "orientation" if they realized the difference.
But it is to those who know the difference and use it to demean and spread hate toward gays that truly gets "my dander up." Yes, we are making headway in the acceptance of our lifestyle, but it is at a snail's pace.
I have a button that says "Fuck hate." I wish I could wear it with pride, but the so-called vulgarity renders that impossible. Will Americans ever reach the utopia where we can judge people for who they are, not what they are? I won't live to see that day, but hopefully the grandchildren of the present day parents will see and experience it.
The Prime Timers Newsletter
[undated page xerox]
A lot of us old codgers still remember what life was like before Prime Timers came to town. In 1987, the year Prime Timers emerged from the womb, older gays were about as close to the pits of gay society as it was possible to get.
Oh, sure, some of the younger gays were polite enough to show a pretence of caring, but even those persons were few and far between. Most of them saw right through us as if we were not there.
I'm thankful I have that perspective because it makes me all the more determined to see that Prime Timers not only stay around, but-grows and increases in its ability to meet the goal of seeing that older gays have as much fun as the younger ones.
Whether it's because I have lived this bit of history, or whether it is a part of my getting more cantankerous the longer I live, but it makes me increasingly regretful that more members don’t take advantage of all that we have to offer.
I am always needling our local board to have more variety of activities, so we have instituted (to get me off their backs) a third-Saturday-of-the-month breakfast at a very popular sensibly priced restaurant. Today was that day . I gave the old body a hosing down, put on a clean shirt admired myself in the mirror and off I went. You'll never guess who all was there — Woody Baldwin.
It almost makes a body want to give up, but I'll be damned if I will. There's too much potential fun to be had and Prime Timers has proved that it is the vehicle to make it happen; all we have to do is find the formula that will work to get the word out to the older gays that there’s a whole world of pleasure out there for them.
If your chapter has discovered a formula that works for you, pass it along to me or the World Wide President or the Vice-President of Chapters and let’s share our successes and make Prime Timers available to all older gays. They deserve it.
The Prime Timers Newsletter — Excerpts associated with Filosophy articles
Prime Times: August 1997— Article:
It was better than the Academy Awards, and a heck of a lot more heartfelt. Our founder, Woody, and his partner Sean were honored at the Chiron Rising Gathering in Orlando with a presentation of a Lifetime Achievement Award for their hard work and services to the mature gay community in founding Prime Timers. With over a thousand men present, the outpouring of love during this ceremony was wonderful, particularly after the difficulties of the past year. There was hardly a dry eye in the place. Check out the latest CR for more details about the award ceremony. Prime Times wishes to thank Pat, Bruce, and all the wonderful people at Chiron Rising for honoring our founder in such a fine manner. Thanks, guys!
Prime Times: December 2003 — Article:
John T. (Sean) O'Neill, 74 passed away Sunday, August 24th from a lung disorder. He was the son of Maude and Edward O'Neill of New Haven, CT. He had made his home in Austin since 1989. Sean had many friends. He was blessed with a lovely singing voice and entertained audiences throughout the country known as an upbeat, pleasant, happy person who loved people and was much loved in return. His career was in banking and he lived in New York and Boston for many years. He retired in 1989 and enjoyed his retirement in Austin. Among his hobbies were traveling, . . . .
Prime Times: December 2004 — Editorial Excerpt:
Creating a newsletter of this size can't be a one man operation because there are just too many pages to fill. I have been very lucky to have had regular contributors who have made my job easier and provided the readers with a variety of articles to meet the interests, I hope, of most of the members. Of course, it's not possible to please everyone all the time, but these guys have done a great job and I've really appreciated it: . . . . and finally, Woody Baldwin, whose "Founder's Filosophy" (I really hate spelling it that way) has given us the opportunity to know him and share his wisdom. What a great gentleman Woody is and how much we owe him for coming up with the idea of creating Prime Timers!
